Brandon's Blob

I'm waking up.

2012-02-09T21:35:00.000-05:00

So one of my idols in the world, is a fictional character. I'm not going to spoil the surprise here by telling you here, no, not my style.

So I'm here in downtown Pittsburgh on my own free time now. I took a day off of work to enjoy the sights and to catch up on an old family friend. This lady knows so much about me it's crazy. I'm excited to meet her (and family) tomorrow.

So I lost my Social Security card around 8 months ago. I've just been using my passport when needed to do important things. Well, as I'm walking out of my client's office, I noticed a Social Security office on my left. So I naturally walked in there since, hey, i need a new card anyways.

Turns out I walked in 2 minutes before close and it also turns out that you just show a drivers license and then they mail you a new card to your current address. ... Seriously, that's all I've had to do for the past 8 months? What's my problem? Eh, whateves

So after I stopped by the SSN place, i walked down to the "strip" district. Contrary to what you (and myself) are thinking, it's not a bunch of strip clubs in one area. No, it's a series of shops that open to the public. Kinda like a public market. Except they all close down at 3:30 and I was walking down the street at 4:30... So yeah, i basically walked 1ish miles down a deserted street to seafood restaurant and then walked back. I got checked out at the bar, because, well, i know I looked sexy ;) I was dressed fancy for the client and just wore that out.

Plus I've worked up my tolerance to drink alone at the bar now. It's easy for me to do now and I don't mind it... if I have walked to the bar with that goal in mind and I'm in a good mood.

So after that, i walked back to the hotel and then got a shuttle to the casino.

The moment I walked in I realized two things about myself:
1.) Casino's are around 99% less fun than I pretend they are going to be.
2.) Old people are fucking everywhere.
3.) I still hate old people.

If you noticed, that list had 3 things, but only 2 were about myself, so that list still applies. But seriously, outside of having the security guy check my card for 19 seconds (and watching the senior citizens stroll past me). I walked into a casino that had a visible smoke haze. It was disgusting.

I walked around looking at the tables, didn't join any, texted a friend, and then decided to get a beer while I wait. I got a Blue Moon. Guess how much it cost me. $6? $8? 11?!?! No, $2 dollars.

Yeah, that's right, I paid two* dollars for a Blue Moon. (*more on this later).

Eventually I ended up at the roulette table, because I have fond memories of this table, and long story short, i lost $40 dollars there. I spent $20, lost, walked away, called for a cab, got a busy signal, took it as a sign from gods, got another beer, and walked to the table with another $20 in hand. (I walked into the bar with $60 dollars in my hand fyi for those playing along at home). I then lost a second $20 dollars and finally got a cab home and called it night.

*So in reality, I just spent $45 dollars on two beers. $2 Blue Moon + $1 tip + $2 Blue Moon + 0$ tip (eh, whatever) + $40 dollars at roulette.

J to the Kay. This is Brandon we're talking about. After getting back to my place I walked down the street and got a to go 6 pack from the local place. I walked in, told the (really cute) girl what i wanted, which was any 6 beers out of 200 and call it a night. She said "sure" and then walked away. I picked up a menu and started looking at the prices of some of these beers and noticed that they were ON AVERAGE $9 a bottle. I saw numerous $20 dollar bottle and a few $75 dollar bottles. Since I had a decent buzz I said "eh, whatever she brings back I'll pay" but I was assuming a $70 bill for 6 beers.

Well, the 6-pack comes back along with the bill and the total was....

So to bring this full circle into why I labeled this post the way I did. It's because I'm starting to realize my full potential and break past my self-imposed weaknesses. I'm starting to not give a fuck about what others think and actually just do my thing. I'm, in short, starting to grow up, and actually seeing it happen with my actions and thoughts.

Goodnight guys!!

;) hehehehehe!

So, September of last year was my last post.

2012-02-08T22:45:00.001-05:00

Yeah, that seems about right.

Since then I've done a few things and I've tried to do a few others.

Let's start this off, guess where Brandon is blogging from? Any guesses? That's wrong. I'm actually in Pittsburgh, PA right now.

Man, i have so many thoughts flowing through my head right now: a.) how i miss Snapples's random texts during the federal (or other) holidays. b.) how I don't let those I feel closest to how I truly feel about them c.) that I seriously think about you guys all the time, and in particular (but no particular order): Big Sis, Sparkle, Legend (I think that's his name in here.), Cincy, Baseball, and others.

So how am I? I'm doing well. Actually, really well, I'm still battling my credit card debt, but it's getting really close to being gone. So i'm happy there. I'm still working at my current job and it's great. I do a shit-ton of walking these days. So much so, when you say "we're going to have to walk a mile." I think "damn, I'm gonna be really sweaty." and then think "I'd think that if we had to walk 200 feet." and then think "stop talking to yourself, there's a noticeable gap in the conversation now and you need to say something of value." To which I say out loud "Alright." and pray I don't sweat through my pants and shirt.

But seriously, in other news, my apartment looks the same it does now as it did 4 months ago. I am still too "poor" to buy anything of value / I don't see the point now. So I spend that money on stuff like food and a george foreman grill. (Which is fucking fantastic, sweet jesus these things are amazing. I don't have a grill fetish anymore because I have one of these.)

I was thinking of my Big Sis and I felt like I haven't been the best in letting others (specifically her) know I feel. It's cool to think a thought a bunch of times in a week, but it's another to act on it. So this is me letting you know that I think about you (and extended family [Love you 'Mom =D']) often and others as well. I'm going to work on being more active on facebook this year. Apparently it's not cool if you don't log in to facebook less than 9 times a year (true story). (And last time I logged in, there was timeline shit. What? I thought my facebook had been hacked.)

Alright, enough rambling for now. Goodnight friends, and whoever sees this is a friend, and sleep well. Brandon's doing alright and trying to answer deep questions on his own.

-Bubbles

p.s. Big Sis, yeah, I told her how I felt and then an unexpected (but not surprising) event happened next.

Brandon does good.

2011-09-24T17:18:00.000-04:00

So at work there's a group that you can join to help others. I've been all talk about helping kids and never following through with it so I joined that group.

The premise behind the group is that there are kids who are in high-school who are smart and willing but can't get a good score on the ACT. This group's goal is to tutor them to get them at or above an 18.

(Some background for those who don't know of ACT and only took the SAT. The ACT is scored out of 36 points with a 36 meaning you are genius in high-school. More or less.)

Well these kids that we are helping are bright but not the best at the ACT, most scored below 17 when they took it the first time. Getting a 21 for these kids is the difference between getting a scholarship or not.

So enter Brandon. This group gives us an act test along with answers and then partners us up with a student.

I got a really cute and somewhat shy (mexican) girl. I like to think that she was shy around me because of my dashingly good looks and irresistible charm. Not because she didn't do well on the ACT.

The reason I mentioned she is Mexican is because English isn't her first language and she was having a hard time answering the first few questions. I felt pretty bad because also, while I know and understand english really well I can't teach it for shit. It's not cool when you're asked a question and you respond "um... just because"

After giving her a few tips though, it was awesome watching her go from getting 2 out of 10 right in one section to 8 out of 10 right.

I have to say. I felt awesome and it was amazing helping this girl. Next week is math too, i was so exited to do the math portion I started taking the test myself and found out that the answer book was wrong for one question. Yeah, I'm a nerd.

That's all for this story folks.

I feel guilty because I lied to my mom.

2011-09-07T22:49:00.000-04:00

So I have this rule now.

Anything that gets into my apartment has to be vetted and approved by me.

That's the rule and there's no breaking it. You buy me something and I don't like it, I don't take it from you.

Well, this rule was working out great. I fended off gifts from my mom for a few months while I took my time and picked out perfect pieces.

Then I slipped up and let her know I needed a kitchen table.

Then I slipped up again and told her what I was looking for, color wise and size wise.

Then I have a missed call and I get a text:

Her: "Got u a dining table & 4 chairs. U will love them."
Me: "I heard. Haha, I'll be the judge of that mom."

Sidenote, I've been searching for a rug for the past 3 weekeneds. Shopping to me is not an enjoyable act, it was disgusting and painful situation placed on earth to torture man. When I shop, I have a 5 minute rule that I stick to*. On top of that, my mind processes things VERY quickly. I don't need to stare at a rug for 2 minutes to determine if it will work for me. I need 2 seconds. I'm not joking either this time. I literally went through 35 rugs in 2 minutes to determine that only 1 might work for me. My mom was still 3 rugs deep when I said I'm done and we can leave the store.

*There needs to be a damn good reason to break this rule. Like I get 100% off I stay 13 minutes in the store. Then I might stay for 13 minutes to do the sale.

On top of this, or obviously, I have high standards. Only the best and only "Brandon" material makes it into my apartment. (My friend who stopped by and walked in said the moment she walked in "Haha, this is so Brandon." and I almost kissed her on the spot because that's what I strive for in life when it comes to my living place)

So ignoring the rug stuff, it's just background to show you that we've done other shopping and it hasn't worked out and I've called it a day and i'm willing to not have a rug than buy one that I don't like, I head home to view the table. One glance and it's something I would never buy. Ever.

Me: "Oh, this is the table..."
Her: "Yes! And I got it on sale!"*

*Women! What's wrong with you!? Why are you so turned on by sales!?? Why does seeing a sale instill this fear that you need to buy the item you see right now?? Is it so scary to know that if you don't buy it now, and look at it next week, it won't be on sale and might be $10 more? On top of that, and I know this only applies to me now, but why the f#&$ would you buy something you can't return?? Just because it's on sale!?

Her: "So I can't return it. But you love it, right!?"
Me: "Oh, you can't return it huh?"
Her: "Nope. But you love it!"
Me: "Well, I have no choice it appears."

Then she realized I clearly wasn't as thrilled as her and got a little sad and I talked to her and said in a nutshell, 'please don't buy anything for me, just find something you think I might like and then I'll goto the store and look at it.' To which she said, "I know, but it was on sale and I wanted to get it before it was sold." To which I would have said if it wasn't my mom, "Then I don't get the table, oh well. I'm not going to buy something just because it's on sale." But I don't think she would have liked to hear that and I also don't think she would have really understood my mentality.

What I did instead was shutup and put the table together and fume anger for the rest of the day. I was angry because I had something not "Brandon approved" in my apartment. Angry because I didn't like the table. And angry because it was nice gesture that I really didn't want in the first place. I may be broke and I may be missing a kitchen table, but I'll live without until I find the one I love. That's that. There's no discussion, no concerns.

Oh yeah! I forgot about it, she also got me chairs for the table too. They were hideous to me so I had to say no because my kindness can only go so far.

So hear I am with this table that everyone else but me would find acceptable and probably even like and then I am going to drive home. But I got a text from a friend who wanted me to stop by and hang out for the night so I did.

While hanging out with the friend, I got the same text I always get from my mom after I meet her.

"Did you get home alright?"

That was the straw that broke my back and I said something that's been under the surface but shouldn't have come out. I said "Yes. But we need to work on your outlook on life. It needs to be positive instead of negative."

She didn't say anything and I didn't think of it after that because I was having a good time, but she called me the next day and she was upset that I had said those words. I know I should have been the bigger person and kept them inside like I have for the past 6 years, and kept them deep instead of being like my shitty sister and bitching at my mom. She was upset because it upset me that she was concerned about my life (which just makes you feel more shitty). And then more words were said, but it ended well and she said "I know we all have faults and I understand that I'm a negative person, but I'll work to be better about it."

And I felt good because we ended on a good note.

But I realized later that night that I wasn't upset with my mom hassling and worried about if I had made it home okay. (It's been really bad in the past.) And I'm also sad that she can't let go and just let her son be a free person (If you remember this episode, think of the clip when the birds try to fly outside and peter closes the window on them). But I was most upset that I lied to her about being home because I know if I had said no, she would have been worried and then stayed up until I had texted her when I had actually gotten home.

I was upset I had to lie to her for the better good and upset because she forced me into that position.

I would like to end a good note, so I have this song, which is a freestyle over a good song on it's own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUnCPkzsSYM

-Brandon

So I have returned.

2011-09-07T22:02:00.000-04:00

I am fixing up my apartment. I am happy with the way it's turning out =D

I promise you will get photos within 2 weeks. For some reason, I'm fixated on releasing photos close to my birthday, so you'll get them close to that date.

Tonight I worked on my small talk with a co-worker.

After being the outside guy of the conversation and seeing another girl being the outside girl, for awhile also I approached her. I knew her and we had talked briefly in the past.

Me: "So, i'm going to go out of my comfort zone and practice my small talk on you."
Her: "Small talk? Wow, I feel insulted."
Me: "Insulted? What?"
Her: "Small talk is something you have with someone you don't care about."
Me: "What?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Alright. Let's re-group. I think you are amazing at it and I'm trying to bounce off of you and learn how to hang like the master."
Her: "Oh! Haha! I'm terrible at small talk."
Her: "Oh! Oh! Hahaha! No. I take that back. I'm great at it."
Me: "..."
Her: "Oh, yeah, I can see why you say that. Oh wow, alright, i understand now."
Me: "..."
Her: "Oh shut up, you aren't bad at it either. You're really good too!"

She then brought up a very valid point. At a new hire orientation of around 120 people, we had to introduce ourselves. Everyone was like "I'm John, I wanted to work for X because I like selling stuff." and so on. Well, I was the 100th-ish person and I said, "Hi, my name is Brandon. I'm a virgo. I enjoy wearing Hawaiian shirts on Friday's. And I came to X because I enjoy being able to interface with customers and helping them out. I enjoy helping and making sure others are happy."

Luckily, people laughed. Not like a hardcore laugh, but a genuine laugh that was awesome to hear.

To be honest, she caught me off guard with how she remembered that.

But I laughed and then we carried a convo for around till my beer ran out. I didn't feel like grabbing another one because it was free till this point and I didn't wish to open a tab and I had had enough.

So I headed home, feeling like I did good. Going out of my comfort zone and doing well, actually, I did well enough to be proud. I think an objective observer would said I did damn good. But baby steps. That's my motto for life right now. I have a few motto's, but that's the one I say the most right now.

Then I got home and did some fixing up and I'm very pleased with the results =D

So Happy.

Status Update

2011-09-04T01:35:00.000-04:00

Song as I type this up.

I think I'll try to do that, and pepper them into the blogs, provided I can find them online, to kinda share what i'm feeling while I type these things up.

So I tried to meet up with the girl I meet the other night. We'll call her 'Goose'. But when I got to the bar, the place was packed and there was a line to get in, so I told her i'll just try to meet up with her another time.

I then met up with a (now closer) friend (for the story's sake I'll call her Girl till I find a good name for her) who invited me impromptu to hang out with a girl who I haven't seen in around 4 to 5 years. It started off alright, we went out to eat sushi and they brought 4 bottles of wine (it's BYOB, pretty much every restaurant is BYOB in Chicago) and we got to drinking and eating.

Another song.

I then quickly realize why i didn't try to keep in touch with her. She lives in the past, sadly, as most people you know from high-school will do. I don't care to remember about the girl who broke my heart in 8th grade, or about how much of a "not nice person" you were then. I also don't care to talk about all the shit we can't even remember clearly because it was so long ago. She also has the tolerance of a toddler. Nothing dramatic happened, but it's not fun being around a person who just doesn't jive well with me and loves drama. Me and drama like oil and water. We don't fuck with each other.

So then we finish our meal and head out to the bar. Let's backtrack, these suburban girls hop into their car and drive 5 blocks to the bar. Then we walk to bar (2 blocks), and find a closer spot and then move the car for the spot. Then we find out we are too early. Then we, I, find out, I don't fit the dress-code for this place. For a visual, I was wearing one of my golf-mesh nice polo tops, my khaki cargo shorts (jesus khaki is a hard word to spell, not one "c" in that word), and some white sketchers. My shorts were the reason I wasn't allowed into the bar.

So I peace'd out and headed home. It was a dance bar and I'm kinda sad I didn't get to go in and have fun, esp with Girl because I really enjoy being around her and have a slight crush on her. But I'm also pumped I didn't have to be around the other girl because drama was already going down as I was leaving and on top of that, she wanted me to drive her drunk ass home. Yeah, like i'm gonna stay sober just to drive you home. My plan was to get as drunk as possible while at this club and then acted shocked when she told me I was driving. I'm actually kinda sad I couldn't pull that off either now that I think about it

Anyways I took a train home.

Song

On the train home, my "friend" 'Monopoly' texted me.

Some background before I get into this, Monopoly helped me get the job I have now. On top of that, when we talked she mentioned how much fun it'd be to hang out together and so on once i'm in town. Well, I move into town, we hang out once and then she legit just doesn't respond to my texts for 2 Friday nights in a row and then blows me off a 3rd weekend night. So needless to say, i don't care too much for her. She's also got a childish side to her and here's where that comes into play.

So I get this

...got distracted and read this article instead of find a song to listen to...

So I get this text from Monopoly wanting to know what I was up to. I told her I was heading home from the blue line. Then our conversation goes like this.

Her: "You never followed me on twitter :( "
Me: "Twitter? Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I'll get to you, but I don't have an active twitter life, I'm not a twitter-shitter."
Her: "Nothin, I'm just bored. I have no friends in Chicago :( hey man i've been following your tweets. You have little tweet shit nuggets."
Me: "Haha, thanks. I hit underground now, gonna be hard to text you."

LMAO! Wow. This is funnier than I could have planned it. I'll get back the funny part in a bit though.

When she said "I have no friends in Chicago." I wanted to be like fuck off woman, i moved her alone and you shunned me. I don't give to shits about how you feel now. Don't even try to cry on my shoulder because I'll not gonna give you the time of day. But I didn't, I kept those thoughts in my head and I just generally forgot she even texted me. Then my phone made a noise for another reason and I said "oh shit let me text her back" and wrote that last line.

Now to why it's super funny to me 2+ hours later when I'm typing this up. Normally when people say something like "oh I have no friends." or "i'm so bored." or anything along those lines, no matter how close we are, if I like them, i'll try to go out of my way to help them out. I like to be that one friend people can count on when they think they have no one else to turn to. I want to help those who are losing their way.

WELL, keeping that in mind. My last text to Monopoly completely ignores her "cry for help." it's as if i essentially said "fuck you and your problems" and called it night, because we didn't text again after that. On top of that, we still aren't twitter friends, dunno if I will ever follow her.

I don't care what comes of this, but i don't think i'll let this slide this time. I think i'll ask her why she just avoided and ignored my texts last time, but depends on how much I care about her at this stage. if we talk again i'll look into it, but I'm reaching a point in my life where, as few friends as i might have, i'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore. I'd rather be alone than with people I can't stand.

Alright, I'm drunk enough.

2011-09-01T01:01:00.000-04:00

I think I might blog about me working out, it'll be a way of keeping me in check and also a nice way to keep track of my progress.

Back to me being drunk enough.

Disclaimer, this is going to be graphic, you've been warned.

So I had this funny concept floating around related to women's orgasms. I had a few one liners, but this is my attempt to weave very little joke into very much real life.

The first time I thought I made a girl orgasm
I was having sex and it was great (according to me). We were doing our thing and she let out a moan and a slight shudder and asked me to stop. I felt like I was king of the world.

The first time I made a girl orgasm - regular sex
I was on top and we were having sex and then she started to moan. In my head I was like "this is a good thing." so i kept going. Then she started to shake a little and run her hands up my arms, in my head I was like "this is a good thing... right?" and I kept going. Then she started to shake a lot and I was like "I hope this is a good thing..." and I kept going. Then she rolled her eyes into the back of her head and i was like "Um. What. The. Fuck." and i slowed down. Then she pulled* me close and said in the same voice that Emily Rose used "KEEP GOING." (*Pulled is a much tamer word for what she did. Pretend you were drowning and a person offered their hand to you and you tried to pull the living life out of this good samaritan. Yes, I am the good samaritan in this story.) At this point i'm around 5% turned on and around 50% concerned and 45% scared of what might happen if I keep going. But I keep going, because when a voice that sounds like the she-devil, and not the hot kind, tells you to keep going, you keep going. Even if you can't feel your arms and you are certain that you will die on this very night.

So I keep going and she starts to shake. Now when I say shake I am not trying for you to imagine a cold shiver. What she did was wrap her arms around me in an effort to squeeze the life out of me and then convulse like someone shot her with a damn taser. She pulled my arm out from under me, wrapped her legs around me at this point constricting my movement to around 2 inches of "hopefully pleasurable movement" (spoiler alert: those 2 inches were plenty pleasurable for her) and moaned so loud i thought she might wake the dead. I stopped going when she stopped shuddering because I seriously thought I might have just killed this woman with my penis. In my head, I was thinking "what the fuck just happened? How to explain this to the cops when they arrive? Is that what the general populace refer to as an orgasm? Again, what the fuck?? (yes, I like to recap to myself in my own head)"

So I hugged her until she hugged me back* and then I fell asleep very, very, confused, and scared. (*I now know this is called "cuddling". I was in fact praying life into this woman's body so I wouldn't have to explain why I had a dead woman in my bed come tomorrow morning.)

The first time I made a girl orgasm - oral sex
(For the same of timeline consistency and leaving out the boring "first time I thought made a girl orgasm from oral sex" paragraph, this is a few months down the line from the above statements.)
So I was going down on a girl and she was moaning, "this is good." I thought. I kept doing my thing and she moaned louder and i said to myself "this is really good." So I kept going at it because if I didn't learn shit from before, it's that those pre-moans are a sign of something much worse to come around.

(A fun fact you probably didn't know want to know about me, if i'm romantically involved with a lady, i like to make sure I get regular hair cuts.)

Kissing and such I'm doing until SMACK, a hand hits my head, but it doesn't leave like a usual smack, no, this hand stays there. So I'm thinking "oh, alright, well, hand on the head, were the roles reversed, not that weird, whatever." and I brush it off and get back to my thing.

As I'm doing my thing I noticed, this hand has not left my head and is now actively applying a great deal of pressure on my head, so much so, i can't even try to surface now. I'm thinking "Oh, that's probably a muscle spasm, she'll let my head up soon enough."

Longer into our session, she starts to moan and I say "yeah, this is going great!". Then she starts pressing much harder around .01 seconds after that and I say to myself "this went from great to 'oh shit status'." But it's still all giggles in my own head.

Time passes and she starts to gyrate and press disturbingly hard on my head, to the point of not being able to breath. I tried to fight past her freakishly strong hands and she says, in the same Emily Rose voice to "keep going she's almost there."

Let's take a grown up pause and say, what the fuck dose the word "almost" mean to girls? Because if when a girls says "almost" and really means "I know your tongue can't move and you ran out of saliva around 8 minutes ago but just keep kissing and I'll be ready to explode in 16 minutes" then hey, i understand. 'Almost' is a much easier word to say than that long, but much more descriptive and helpful sentence.

Back on topic, I keep going and it's around this point I noticed she had both hands on my head and was literally grabbing my hair to hold me in place. It's also at this point I noticed I couldn't breath. I have no fears of swimming or drowning alive, but i was accepting the fact that I will suffocate in a woman's vagina tonight. And as far as ways to die go, that's pretty awesome, so I was oddly calm. ^

That is until she pulled up on my hair, ergo my head, and shoved it against and into her vagina and then warped her legs around my head and started to convulse. I felt like I was riding a mechanical bull, but I couldn't breathe, see, or hear while doing it. That and her nails were beyond grabbing my hair but digging into my skull at this point.

After she stopped floundering, I made a vow to never let my hair get long ever again and the next day I went to church to pray to a god I don't believe in.

In short, these two stories led me to believe that the female praying mantis and the female human aren't too far off and I am pretty certain that their goal up to and during orgasm is to kill us males. I don't get it, but I've felt the first hand effects and the fear associated with it.

-Bubs

^Yeah, I get that guys say the same thing and I understand completely, I just needed to put those lines in my story to make it flow better. Well, at least in my head at least.

Dare I say triple post?

2011-08-30T23:29:00.000-04:00

I think I do dare say it: triple post.

Let me get my wine to relax me and type out some hopefully funny stuff now. Hold on.

Alright, so I'm back. And with that "gather 'round children, zip it listen"

So Jay-Z and Kanye West came out with an album. The Throne. You need this album like bad girl needs a spanking. At first I wasn't too pleased with it, but after some discussions with a friend, it's grown on me a lot. Jay-Z is a phenomenal rapper, his name inspires the term "grown-up rapper" in my head. His lyrics are much deeper than most and just better than most, but the grown up aspect can be summed up into these lyrics:

and I don't wear jersey's
im 30 plus
gimmie a crisp pair of jeans
nigga button up's

(What More Can I Say? - The Black Album)

I could speak more on this man, like the fact most of his songs are just 1 take freestyles, or the fact he created his own record label, or that's his net worth is around 500 million dollars, yeah, he's got his shit in order.

So the other day Big Sis texted me and I gave her a brief synopsis and then in a nutshell she told me blog. I think I mentioned this before, but what I didn't mentioned was what I told her, or maybe I did, I can't remember and I don't go back and read what I typed. Not too sure why, but I don't, maybe there's something to be said in that, but I'm not going to.

So that day in question I went to work wondering what I was going to do after I got out of work because cleaning was becoming a chore and I for some reason can only play video games for a limited amount of time. Still trying to figure our why that is.

After arriving at work, another guy I work with, he gets the title Gumby, says to me and another guy "what are you guys doing tonight?" and I said "nothing big" and then he invited me out to free beer for 2 hours at bar.

Oh Hells yes. Free + Beer. Are you kidding me?

So the day goes on, I head home, clean up and head back out and walk to bar from the train station praying I don't start sweating.

Sidenote, all I do is sweat now. I wake up get into the shower, come out and then sweat on my way to the train, sweat on the train for a little bit, i cool down eventually just to warm right back up doing my 5 block walk to work. Maybe I'll work up a tolerance and stop sweating, but it doesn't seem so. The slightest change in temperature and I break a major sweat. Whatever, I'm dealing with that, baby steps.

Back to me walking in, i did sweat a little, but it was all good. I sit down and i got there and was able to sit next to the guy I know (Gumby) and got my beer and we all make some small talk.

Flash forward 45 minutes and trivia starts. This is XXX trivia, which was pretty tame as far as XXX could get, but it was def. naughty themed. 3 rounds: 1.) Boobs, Butt, or Neither 2.)Create porn names from a list of words 3.) General "Adult" themed knowledge.

1.) Boobs, Butt, or Neither is very hard. Very hard, but I personally got 6 out of 10. I know my boobs and neither, but butts were elusive.

2.) There was a girl as our table who saw the list, grabbed the pencil out of Gumby's hand and began filling in this sheet like she had seen the answer key. She was crazy good at it. One title that stuck with me was "DaVinci's Load: Angels in Semen" That one was really good.

3.) This one dealt with stuff like "Playboy has a website with only their articles so you can read it at work. What is this website?" (It's http://www.thesmokingjacket.com/ in case you were curious)

Overall it was a blast and I had fun and I got invited back out next weekend (read 4 days from now) to a bar with them by a girl who was possibly flirting with me. So I got in touch with her and I'm going to follow her up on that offer and I guess ditch my friend in Cincy this weekend.

Lastly I was naughty with a girl I probably shouldn't have been. That's all that will be said in that department ;)

So the question was, "How is Brandon?"

The response is, "Outside of my allergies being a major annoyance, same old same old. Slowly getting to know my area, hopefully slowly making friends in my area, and making questionable decisions like usual. But like I said before, baby steps. It's not like the world was made in 6 days."

-Bubs =)

p.s. I have a few thoughts rolling around in my head, but I think they will only come out when drunk due to their frank nature. They are funny ideas that make me laugh every time I think about them, but i'm still trying to work them into more than just one liners.

Double Post!

2011-08-30T22:41:00.000-04:00

So yeah, I'm in a festive mood. But I guess I should say this one gets a bit personal lol.

Remember last post how I said I gave up WoW? I'm also trying to "clean up" my act in other ways. Since I now have around 8 more hours back in my day after giving up WoW, I then turned to my other vices such as drinking and porn. Normally not a bad thing because WoW kept those in check. So it used to be get home from work,WoW to drain me till ~10pm and I either mixed beer into the picture or porn and then sleep. It then turned into, get home from work, drink/porn and then realize it's 8pm, "wtf do I do now? Hmm, I'll guess I'll do it again since I have so much time on my hands now..."

Needless to say, while it wasn't bad per say, i really wasn't do anything now with my self (outside of playing). I would just literally sit around with nothing to do and just do one of the not good things. So I started playing on my Playstation 3 because I have it and never use it and that was good for a while and I mixed in cleaning my apartment up.

Well, I've cut out a lot of the beer drinking for a few reasons but in general I'm trying to be reasonably healthy and cutting a few beers out helps. I'm trying to eat the best of the worst or have a salad at lunch. I just hit the gym up for the first time yesterday and I'm going to try and turn it into a 3 day a week thing. Plus this cash only thing really let's me be in tune with how i spend my money. That and I'm dirt poor right now, so i couldn't buy beer if I wanted to =D

Now this isn't to say as if I've gone stone sober, no, not even close, just trying to find a reasonable balance with things.

This is also partly why I haven't blogged much. I haven't been drunk much.

I've got wine, plenty in fact, some was left over from a few weekends back, but wine drunk is pretty much the same thing as taking a sleeping pill for me (and I trick my body into that also). Wine is just a glass or two and then i'm laying on the (new and lovely) couch trying to watch tv and just drifting into: fucked up; realistic; fight-for-your-life; understand it's a dream while it's happening; feel pain and cry out in real life; feel love like it's the first time; dreamland.

I'll also throw in my last serious-ish topic that's been floating around in my head. I didn't feel like I was fitting in at work, but I think I am doing just fine, just gotta work on my social setting atmosphere skills and find funny people, not just Politically Correct people.

But there's this kid at work who I really can't stand. Long story short, I needed some reports created and he gave them to me. I sent one on without opening it because I trusted he double checked his work. I opened the second one for the hell of it and it was just flat out wrong. So this happened twice more and I've concluded this kid is about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.

I resolved that situation by just taking over the reporting on my own because I'm not gonna put up with his shitty reports, i'll make em myself if it costs me an extra 5 hours of work a week.

Another reason i can't stand him is because he's smug... but doesn't know shit. He's condescending when it's not needed and I just flat out dislike this kid.

Alrighty, I'm out.

So I tried this thing called running...

2011-08-30T22:13:00.000-04:00

And I'm pretty sure I thought I was going to die. What the fuck? People do this on a regular basis? Seriously? And now I will never again make fun of those guys who run with limp wrists and look like they are getting a manicure as they run. Because if you're out there running for miles on end, you can look like however you want to, because that shit is not easy.

So I've given up WoW. Long story short, it felt like a never ending battle of trying to get the best gear. You had to make sure you won 8 matches a week on your 2's team. Then you had to try to win 12 super rare matches to be ahead of the game. That was fun for a few months and I made a friend doing it, but there was no end to it. It turned into a mindless grind after a while, but the girl I grouped with stopped showing up and I got the title I was looking for* so WoW lost interest.

*Before I forget, i'll say this story now. In WoW my name was "CamlToe". In WoW you can also fish to make money/catch rare stuff. WoW wanted to make the game more addictive so they added these things called achievements, just like Call of Duty and so on. Well, in WoW, if you finish all the fishing achievements, you get a title. That title is "Salty". So yes, my WoW characters name is "Salty CamlToe".

Now that's WoW's out, I need something else to keep me occupied. What I've been doing to fill that giant gap that WoW had was be productive. This first started with me cleaning a little bit, then putting weather stripping up, then turning off the gas to my stove to clean it, then getting a sofa (pics soon i promise!) and then the mother of all evils, cleaning my bathroom.

Let me tell you, this story is probably not going to start the way you think it will, but it will end gross just like you're thinking. My bathroom has a tub/shower combo and then a one inch gap and then my sink. When I showered, i noticed water was getting into this gap and starting to smell. Long story short, I went up to Ace Hardware, got some plexiglass cut to size of the hole and then proceeded to cover the hole. Right before I did that though, I was like, I need to clean this out just to make sure it doesn't keep smelling. This is where it gets gross.

I had to break a hanger to fit into this small gap and what I pulled out was unbelievable. I have to say I believe that the previous tenant was a female because I pulled out not 1, but 3 of the SAME facial creams that were full. This means she brought 3 vials of this shit and then lost it down this abyss and didn't care to fix the problem (and I know my landlady didn't give a shit). On top of that, I lost count after 7 bars of soap in various degrees of use. Those were all covered in copious amounts of female hair and a surprising amount of lint. I then pulled out at least 3 tooth brushes (I think 5 total), 3 combs, 1 compact makeup/mirror thing, a few children's toys and more hair. Can't forget how much hair + dried soap combo I pulled out. Thank gods it didn't smell at least.

So after that feast of unmentionables, I put the plexiglass down and tried to tape it with this "super sticky caulk replacement tape". This shit was about as sticky as ... grape jelly. Kinda gross when get it on your fingers, but you wouldn't try to hang a picture with grape jelly. So I pressed this down as hard I could and I'm not gonna touch it till I have to worry about this area again. At least I know my toothbrushes are safe now.

My apartment

2011-08-24T00:34:00.000-04:00

I was told I need to blog about recent event and post some pics. And while I'd love to, i also got home much later than I thought I would. So i'm compromising and blogging, but with not much content. Oh but how many ideas are buzzing through my head!

Here's one that's been the bane of my existence. I keep telling myself I won't do something for a (pretty) girl just because she asked me. But time and time again, I keep falling prey to this, even outside of the remotely possible sex/romantic/whatever possible. I'm a sucker for girls who pay attention to me, but that's really changing, i promise (to no one in particular so that the nobody I'm speaking to can't hold me accountable).

Well, dilemma, I texted a buddy, I'm sure I gave him a name but I can't remember it now, we'll call him Cinci, and told him i'd visit on the 2nd. Well, lo and be-hold, i met a pretty* girl tonight who was really laughing at my jokes and had a great sense of humor and blew me a kiss when i left.

Well, this girl mention that I should be in town for a football game (my favorite!) on the 3rd.

Uh oh, so I have a dilemma, do i stick with Cinci, or do I chase Goose? (Goose is the pretty girl's name).

I already know what I'm going to do, but I figured i'd type it out.

So jesus. Wow, the entire point of this post and why i started it was for the picture I still didn't link. Here's my apartment. The quote I left for the picture is what my buddy Cali left for me when i sent it to him. He laughed really hard when he saw it, which was awesome to me, because he has a great sense of humor and didn't get that stupid "let's feel bad for this kid because his picture is depressing" mood on me.

I might be able to blog tomorrow, but I think i might be doing laundry instead, that's a chore in itself now a days. Maybe I'll take my laptop and blog about it when i'm doing it. Most likely not because i'm always sweating to my death and skipped my lunch/dinner and wondering how I'm still alive when i do laundry. I should probably do it on a Saturday or something.

Man I am rambling. I guess I should end this now.

Till next time =D

Toss Your Expectations Into the Ocean

2011-07-01T11:06:00.000-04:00

So I know I'm at work, but I just read this and I think it does a good job of how deal with life. A glimpse anyways, if anything. It's amusing to me that people need to work their entire lives to realize something I understood at the age of 16.

http://zenhabits.net/ah/

What's it's like living at home (after being alone for 2 years)

2011-06-25T14:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've been siting here for 30 minutes trying like hell to type up some funny shit and have been failing miserably. So I'll just type out the one (hopefully) funny idea I had and then end this post haha.

Masturbation
When I was living alone in my apartment, I grew to have a certain level of standard when I went to charm the cobra. I had to have the air conditioning at 71 degrees, I had to have some Marvin Gaye playing at level 57 out of 100 volume, at least 3, but no more than 5 strategically placed cucumber melon candles placed at various locations around my apartment. I also required the lights to be dimmed to 69% and then a fire going (no, the state of the fire did not matter, but it was considered). Once all of those requirements had been fulfilled, it was almost time for five against one.

To continue the process I then needed to warm some baby oil in the microwave till it was at 98.6 degrees (fahrenheit of course, not trying to give myself scalding burns) and apply it to the soles of my feet. After all the required steps were completed it was time to tune the antenna.

After the devil's handshake was completed, I would then heat up some ramen for exactly 1 minutes and 32 seconds, no more no less and then proceed to drink/eat the entire serving in one sitting and then I would do 13 pushups and head to bed.

Needless to say, I cannot achieve my optimal turning japanese time.

-Brandon

Terms I wish I could have worked into this post:
deploying the troops
squeezing the lemon
sloppy sign language

Her: "Thats fuckin awesome". Me: "Heh, yeah, it is pretty badass"

2011-06-01T21:36:00.000-04:00

Click this.

The above title was a correspondence between me and friend when I sent her the photo.

I'll type up a few stories about moving and work sometime soon, but I gotta do some driving this weekend, so who knows ;)

I forgot one thing!

2011-05-09T20:39:00.000-04:00

So I forgot what I've been meaning to talk about.

So first off, take a look at this stud, before we move on.

Soaking that in? Good, now the jokes, then the sad truth.

Mr. Pinal Dave here, who's great around camera's btw, is the SQL Authority. He's the goto guy when you have issues doing anything database related. This handsome devil must be fighting to keep the ladies away with smooth one liners such as "Hey baby, how about we do an inner join and combine our tables?"

(Sidenote: that line is actually pretty damn awesome, i'm proud of it and if any girl used that on me, I'd do her on the spot while trying to ask her to marry me.)

Now the sad part, anyways, Mr. Pinal, all dashing good looks aside, has some good info on his web-site. Damn good actually, and then I realized, oh gods, I'm actually reading this site and getting useful info out of it. I'm destined to become the next Pinal! Ahhh! Then I took a deep breath, thought to myself, and said, maybe not.

-Bubs

p.s. here's some info on inner join's if you're really curious =)

Sorry about that =)

2011-05-09T20:01:00.000-04:00

So yeah, I've been very busy as of late. Let's do a recap.

I work in Columbus now. Recap done.

(King of Queens is hilarious btw, that man is my idol. He keeps interrupting this blog post.)

So let's go to my first day. I show up at around 8:30, and get to my floor. I stop in the bathroom and it's very fancy looking. There's a picture of Marylin Monroe that greets as you're about to pee, it's similar to that one except her hand is outstretched and she's blowing you a kiss. I still don't know how to feel about it after 2 weeks.

Anywho, I stroll in to the bathroom to take a whiz (feels like were're back in the 90's huh?) and then do my business while two other guys walk in and pee next to me. I finish up first and head to the first sink to wash my hands and I'm instantly amazed by how advanced everything is. The sink is one of those motion sensor ones that amazingly doesn't suck. When you put your hands there, you don't even have to wait, it turns on instantly, no looking like a fool.

The soap dispenser. Oh m gee. It squirts out just the right amount and it even smells good too. Bam! This is nice, let's get washing!

I put my hands under the sink and out flows water... at about the speed of a melting icicle. I'm thinking, wow, these guys just have low water pressure to help the environment. There's a motion sensor in the bathroom to make sure the lights are off when not in use and there's good paper towels too.

So i'm trying to wash my hands in about a shots worth of water when the other two guys finish peeing and go to wash their hands in the other two sinks... and their water comes like a damn fire hose. One guy even pulled back a little it was so hard. As this happens I look over and at them, they look at each other, chuckle, and then finish washing and leave while I'm left having my hands dry off as I'm washing them.

Turns out that sink I used has been that way for months, and no one's doing anything to fix it, yet everyone's laughing at the new people who use it.

-Bubs

p.s. Next one I will I'll be drunk for. So at least one of us will enjoy the next story =D

Dear Diary - Cute Girl

2010-07-12T22:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary,
I saw the cutest girl today. Boy was she pretty. She had to have had at least a C cup, maybe even a D cup.

Dear Diary - Beginning

2010-07-10T22:18:00.000-04:00

So back in the day I used to do this thing where I'd keep a diary in my profile. I'm gonna bring it back now. You'll catch on as to how it works out. Let's go!

p.s. This one is super late, but it's a good starting point.

Dear Diary,
The other day I met the girl of my dreams. I had an hour to kill while I waited for my phone paperwork to go through so I walked to a close restaurant. I strolled in and sat at the bar and ordered a burger. As I looked up, I saw the cutest bartender. We chatted and I left. I made up my mind to see her again. I went there next week and realized, I have no game. It was embarrassing how things went down, almost movie style funny/awkward.

Sex... And How I'm Pretty Sure I'm Gonna Die (Or Seriously Injure Myself).

2010-06-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

So I have been trying all week to write this up and every time I was writing, around 4 paragraphs in, I was always getting too graphic and the humor was wanning. So I'm taking a new approach to get the giggles out while not being so detailed.

Places that sound cool to have sex, but aren't. At all.

This list has no particular order, but here we go.

#1) The shower. I don't know if you seen me try to walk a straight line anywhere or take a corner or well, just exist, but it isn't pretty. What on earth makes this seem like it would work for me? (For those who need examples, just ask Big Sis. I'm going to just stop talking about this because my clumsiness could just be a blog post in itself.)

#2) Outside. This sounds pretty hot in theory, till you actually give it a shot. What season you thinking of? Summer? Have fun getting mosquito bites on your ass and lower back (why the fuck do they go there first??) and not being able to scratch those. Winter? Yeah, try convincing a girl to go outside in 2 degree weather, and then convince her to take her clothes off. Plus the whole cold thing doesn't help with the plumbing.

#3) A hammock. This one I won't even pretend I'm going to try in my life. I can barely walk, what makes anyone in their right mind think this would even be fun. Every wobble would be a life and death situation. Jesus, I can barely get into those fucking things, why would I even want someone next to me? Let alone even on top of me? No, that's just begging for bruises, and not the fun kinds. The kinds that make you think, "seriously? I thought this was a good idea?"

#4) Shower again. Seriously. This is death in 5 different ways just waiting.

#5) In front of the fireplace... with a fire going. One word "Embers."

I haven't thought of any other places, I'm sure they exist. I know there are other fun places, that really are all the fun they are cracked up to be, but those above, beware. Because I am, and I know better, I'm not gonna go out trying to bone in a shower. No sir-re (read that "no sir ree"). I'm gonna go out punching bees in the face (I hate bees) or saving babies from a fire or, trying to be 1/8 of the man that the Dos Equis man.

-Brandon

This is to you creepy guy.

2010-05-23T21:38:00.000-04:00

So I recently went to a club with some friends. Well, after watching the show downstairs for a bit we head upstairs to get our dance on.

After heading upstairs we were quickly shocked to see that the upstairs "dance" area was pretty much empty save for around 15 people spread out in groups of 3 who were dancing with their friends. Needless to say, it was like walking into a wal-mart and seeing 4 other people, the place was empty.

There were a few other people scattered about but everyone had a "group" they were with save this one guy.

This post is for you creepy guy.

Imagine if you will 18 year old (I swear they looked much younger, but you can't get in unless your 18 years old) girls dancing, there are 3 of them, they look drunk and are just in the middle of the dance floor having a great time. Me and my "crew" came upstairs and saw those very few groups of people dancing, but since the music was loud and since I'm me, well, we just made our way to the dance floor and starting dancing. There's probably 14 people out there at this time and they all fit that 18 year old image (except for me, I look like I'm 16, but that's besides the point).

Then I notice creepy guy.

Now I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds recently, but you don't need that show to know that this is that face your gonna see on the news tomorrow morning. "Local dayton man follow and rapes a girl." He's around 6', around 250 (with a bit of a beer belly) probably 43 and has a creepy stare.

Alright, now I might be judging a book by a cover, because you could be saying to yourself, "Well Brandon, this guy might have looked creepy staring at those girls, but he was sitting against the wall and there were only 14 other people in there at the time."

I left a small detail, he wasn't sitting against the wall, he was around 10 feet away from them, standing in the middle of the dance floor, just looking. He didn't even have a freaking beer in his hand!

Well, I noticed him in the beginning, and all of the above happened in like 5 minutes, I registered it simply because I had to make sure I kept the ladies I was with safe, but he didn't really move and didn't really notice us (too old? (but I have such a beautiful baby face!) ) so I just kinda let him fall out of my mind.

Later on whatever was happening downstairs ended and everyone came upstairs to the dance floor and it was just the perfect amount of crowded. Enough to get lost dancing with your friends, but not so packed that you couldn't move.

That's when creepy guy upped the ante, as if that's possible.

I had been "blindly" observing him over the past hour. What I mean by that is I saw his actions and saw where he was walking and who he was looking it and such, but it didn't actually "register". So pretty much, I looked but I didn't see. Well I noticed him walking around, through this crowd of dancing people mind you, and just staring at pretty girls dancing. It was at the point I realized he never had a drink in his hand the entire hour and change I had seen him before. To top it off, since everyone had come upstairs, it was really hot even if you were dancing so he was sweating without doing anything. Are you picturing what I'm trying to paint? This is a 43 year old man walking around with a gait that is slow and methodical and he's staring at girls while he's sweating profusely.

I was trying to end on a witty line, but gods, that man was creepy. He probably even gives the devil the shivers.

Brandon no update?

2010-04-11T03:05:00.000-04:00

So pretty much, I feel like I should say why I don't update as much. There's a few reasons. one of them is, I talk to my Big Sis way more often now and a few of my ideas leave me lips and I tend to forget to blog about them. Another reasons is that I have a bunch of ideas in my head, but I never get around a computer to type them out.

This is because, well, quite frankly, Sparks and Big Sis, I've been seeing that girl again. (Things are different this time.)

While it has been good for the most part, the reason why it's worth mentioning, is simply because I've been spending a fair amount of time with her.

1-800-Gay-Live, this commercial just came on. Along with texting (babe to 2829#). I gotta say, I'm happy to know that if I was calling a gay line, I feel comforted in know that the guys I will be speaking to are reclining on a pool side lounge chair. The same goes for calling, wait, sorry, texting, those sexy babes. I am sure they are wearing lingerie and moaning as they type out those letters to me.

So, sorry for the lack of updates. My goal was to work on this issue, but well, I don't have as much free time now.

-Bubs

Fractions.

2010-04-11T01:53:00.000-04:00

So I was (still am) watching SNL this saturday and I saw Tina Fey. I have had a crush on that woman since I laid eyes on her. Crush isn't the right word, but I'll keep it PG...ish.

(This is a rant btw)

Anyways, I saw this commercial about some medicine of some sort and they were telling you how you need it since 2/3's of people who have the illness suffer from it's effects.

Let's break this down.

1) "Of the people who suffer" They fail to mention this.
2.) "2/3's of people suffer." Alright, this is a common plight in american society. It affect even those who consider themselves bright. Here I go at trying to show others how I read this line. While "Two Thirds" sounds huge because just one more of that item makes it "Three Thirds" which is a whole number (namely "one"), it's not that large. That percentage is ~67%. Now again, this sounds kinda large, over 50%, but let's think about this. 67%, that's gotta be alot, right? Sure, it's more than nothing, but alot? Well, let's pretend we were talking to a teacher.

"Dear teacher, I did 67% good on this test, is that good enough?"
"No, that's pretty shitty actually, you couldn't even pull off a C average. You have a D."

So this medicine is going to solve the fraction of 67% of some unknown percentage of Americans who suffer from this illness. Now since I'm drunk and I f... (came close to swearing) hate statistics, I'll say this, from what I remember, it's simply not enough to multiply the fractions given to you but to also factor in the "converse" of the fractions given and plug them into a formula.

So pretty much, I'm not a fan of the way they play with words and make it seem like their number is huge. Also, why should you be asking your doctor for medicine? They've gone to school for 25+ years for this, they have a much better idea of what's going on than "the person om a the couch who saw a tv commercial telling them they need this latest pill."

I wish I could have talked to my teachers and told them how 2/3 aka 67% was good enough. Outside of being laughed out of the classroom, I find it sad that the general public goes "oh, this is acceptable."

End rant.

-This is Brandon bitter, i will try to blog about my bitterness in a few.

So spring is here and I hate life

2010-04-07T10:59:00.000-04:00

I have allergies like you wouldn't believe. I often made the joke as a kid that in my life I'll expel enough snot to fill a swimming pool. As I grow older, I think there's a lot of truth in that statement. I think i'll do the math later today to see how likely this is. Maybe a kiddy pool at least.

But wait Brandon, that's alot of snot, you say. Yes, it is. How many boxes of tissues have you gone through so far? Also on top of that, my eyes water like i'm the most emotional boy you've ever meet. While I haven't cried in probably 8 years, my allergies have made damn sure that my eyes stay over watered so that I have to constantly wipe at them. Just writing these two paragraphs I've had to pause 3 times to wipe my eyes and twice to blow my nose. Life is horrible. Where the fuck is winter? I don't see the enjoyment in spring and summer. It's too damn hot (take my hellish office right now) and there's no reprieve from the heat anywhere. Buildings never get the air conditioning working so it's not like you can do anything to keep cool. At least in winter you could keep your coat on.

God I hate spring with a passion. Summer is second on my shit list.

p.s. Don't get me started on summer with bugs that also add to the hell that is my life during these months.

Brandon's back!

2010-04-02T23:34:00.000-04:00

So this is going to be a long post. I know it know it now.

Let's start with this.

Brandon got his bartending license and he got a drinking book. Now for a normal person, that's just "oh, well, i'll drink a drink before bed." Well, if this blog has shown anything, I'm not normal. So my goal was to drink all day friday since I had it off. This idea kinda worked. I made my first drink at what I thought was noon. Turns out it was 11:15 am. I wasn't aware of this until around 12:30 when I saved my final fantasy game. Oh well. (I should have caught on when I texted Big Sis at what I thought was 12:30 and it was really 11:30. Oh well.)

So I make a Tom Collins. And then another Tom Collins. And then I was like why not, let's have a Long Island. And then after that drink I was like, hmm, this game is getting to be too much, let's clean. So I did two rounds of dishes and cleaned out my lint trap (seriously, do this) while I threw in a load of laundry. After the laundry was in the dryer, I sat down to play some more final fantasy and bam. The alcohol hit me like a wall. I was sitting there turning on my PS3 and then I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I barely manager to turn off my tv (which turns off my surround sound and PS3 om it's own. Yeah, i know, fucking sweet.) before passing out on my couch.

I awoke at 5:54pm with drool on me like it was my job. The complex party starts at 6pm. Well, so much for showing up on time. So I shower and get dressed (putting on some Old Spice, just in case) and make it over there at roughly 6:28pm.

I kid you not. I walk in, and the bartender sees me, pulls out a megaphone and goes, in front of 23ish people, "uh oh, here comes trouble!" I've only been there one time before, and that was this time. So I apparently made an impression. Whateves, that's my style, you don't forget me after meeting me unless I want you to (which is very rarely).

So I walk in and I'm not feeling this at all. I was kinda hung over slash drunk slash in between and just looking to say hi, claim my stop, and leave. Well, I saw Therapist and hubby but since they didn't care to make eye contact with me, either they didn't wish to talk to me or they didn't see me. (I am fairly certain it was the first one, because later on in the night, they had no choice but to see me and still didn't say hi.) So I got some pizza and sat at a couch.

I sat down on a three seater and then 2 other guys were on single chairs kinda on a triangle from me. (Creepy guy is one of them.) Well, they started talking and I was just a half-ass partner in the convo. They talked and I would laugh when needed and so forth. And then a guy asked if he could sit next to me and I said yeah and then I sat there.

Eventually we started to talk and it turns out (to me) he has a very interesting job. He works doing R & D on materials and engineering in which he works on clever solutions in which to harvest and hold solar energy. As we talked I realized it's much harder and difficult than I thought. Oh, did i mention he's from Australia and an amazing Squash player?

Well, eventually Squash left and I was given a choice, either leave or stay. I choose to stay.

After standing at the bar on my own for a bit, a guy at the bar leaves and I take his seat. Good times abound. We giggle, we laugh, I tell them about twitting. They were confused because they thought it was called tweeting. Well, this joke has gone south, but like normal people, they'd attempt to salvage it or just call it a day. Not this guy. I proceed to tell them how "twitter is a place where twits can twat." Well, this guy took it as "twitter, where I twit for twats". Well, I clearly don't twit on twitter for twats, but I can't ruin his fun. Plus that was a hilarious way to take that.

So jokes were passed about that and laughs were shared. I brought up my wine tasting idea to my apartment manger (That's another blog post Big Sis remind me in case i forgot, a text will do)

Okay. I'm getting too drunk to focus on typing plus I had people texting me, but luckily the story is over for the most part. Creepy guy came over, stole my seat, said sorry to the wrong guy, I made fun of creepy guy the rest of the night because the people I was joking with felt the same way. Then i got a beer to go, walked home with it (yeah, that's fucking awesome, i know. Gods I love this place!) and then talked with my mom for around a half-hour. She was worried it was doing okay out here all alone and if I had friends. I told her I'm making them slowly, don't worry and life is good. We joked about my (younger) sister and that was that. Then I started this blog.

Sorry for the lackluster end, but I need to get to bed, goodnight friends!

-Brandon

p.s. Google "Brandon's Blob" Check out that second link =)

First Time Sex

2010-03-31T10:59:00.000-04:00

So I've been toying around with this idea of sex from a guy's mind during his first couple times. Without further ado, here's what it's like. [Also, before we get going, When I say "{Bobby: Blah blah blah}" That means those are his thoughts, not what actually comes out.]

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So guy (we'll call him Bobby) goes out with his friends to a bar just looking to have a good time. Plus girls also go out in groups at bars, or so he's been told.

After waiting in line 6 minutes around drunken idiots he turns to his right and makes a joke about the amount of drunken fools he's had to fight just to get his beer. She giggles. Wait what? Was that a giggle? Shit, is this a girl? And furthermore, is she giggling over my joke? Well hell, let's run with it.

Bobby: "Haha, yeah, it is pretty crazy over here. Say, you want to grab your drink and come over this way?"
Girl: "Sure."
Bobby: "Yeah, you can bring your friends and can all get to know each other."
Girl: "Alright, that sounds like fun."

Bobby's feeling good, he's got a beer in his system and he's about to chat it up with some cute girls. What more could he ask for tonight?

Well, shortly after meeting the girls, they walk over to his table where he and his buddies were shooting the shit. and then it's on. Jokes are flying across the table, Bobby's next to Girl, beer's getting drunk, smiles are getting wider, some light touching's going on. Bobby can't believe how well this is going, but hey, why stop now?

Bobby: "Hey, I live nearby, did you want to catch a movie at my place?" This line's always made fun of by comdians so there's gotta be some truth in it right? Hell, since tonight's working so well so far, let's just bust it out and play it cool.
Girl: "Sure, what movie did you have in mind?"
{Bobby: Well this is good and bad. Good, she said yes. Bad because I wasn't thinking of movies at all. Quick! What's a movie that's guaranteed to work. Titanic? What the fuck Bobby? Are we in 8th grade? Let's just pick the first thing that comes to mind, outside of fucking Titanic, and run with it.}
Bobby: "I was thinking Boondock Saints."
Girl: "Yeah, that's sounds like a good choice, I've heard alot about it and I've been waiting to see it."
{Bobby: Fuck yeah! Good choice."}
Bobby: "Yeah, it's a good film, let's go check it out."

So they vacate the bar together and make their way to Bobby's place.

{Bobby: "So time for the awkward tour, funny how we have to walk past my bedroom to get to the living room with the tv and movies. I need to seriously change that and keep everything in the bedroom."}
Bobby: "Yeah, this is my place.."
Girl: "Cool.."
Bobby: "..Well, let's get that movie started.."
Girl: "..Yeah.."

So Bobby pops in the movie.

They both sit down on the couch and she's resting her head on his shoulder.

{Bobby: "This is great, alright, just play it smooth and cool. Well, you gotta make the first move, make it count.}

So Bobby reaches over, lifts her head and kisses her.

The kiss is deep and long, Bobby's lost track of anything that was in his head. His mind is focused on kissing her, and he realizes that it's not only him trying to kiss her, she's also kissing him. He takes her and leads her to bedroom where things quickly unfold to the naked stage.

{Bobby: "Thank god I had some condoms. Well, here goes..."}
{Bobby: "Wow, this feels really good."}
{Bobby: "Uh oh, she's not moaning. Girls moan right? Alright, let's try this position."}
Bobby attempts to awkwardly change positions with her.
{Bobby: "Wow, that was kinda awkward, I hope it was worth..."}
Girl lets out a deep and long moan
{Bobby: "Good, good! That's good! Keep it here."}
Girl starts to breath deeply
{Bobby: "Oh yeah, this is great, this feels soo great..."}
Girl starts to breath more shallow and faster
{Bobby: "Yeah, yeah, this feels amazing.... uh oh.. too amazing..."}
Girl's breathing is faster still she's starting to squeeze her eyes shut.
{Bobby: "Oh no! I'm starting to... Shit! Um, what do I do! I can't..."}
Girl's starting to pant now.
{Bobby: "Ahhh, noo! It's too soon!"}
Girl shrieks and shudders and holds Bobby tight.
{Bobby: "I think that I made her..."}
Girl shudders one last time and grips Bobby even tighter.
{Bobby: "Whew, glad I didn't suck."}

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That's the idea I was toying around with in my head. Now I think it'd be fun to redo this story from the girl's perspective, but I don't really know what's going on inside of most girl's heads. But to be honest, I kinda think that it would be pretty much the same thoughts for a girl. Also, as fun as it would be to recant my personal virginity story, this isn't it, so don't worry. This was a blend of fiction to create what I think goes through every guys mind. Lastly, one sidenote, why is it that guy's always have to make the first move? It's hot when a girl takes charge sometimes.

-Brandon

Apartment party

2010-03-31T08:30:00.000-04:00

So I threw an apartment party last weekend and I had a blast. Let's just go through this in my eyes.

So after waking up at 7am on Saturday morning on my own, I laid around and eventually made my way over the bank at 9am. Did some stuff and got back home at 10am. My apartment is still messy, but I'm like "eh, I got time to clean it later." What felt like 16 minutes but was really 2.5 hours later, I was like "huh, I should probably start cleaning now. I don't have much time left." So i start my cleaning and at around 4 I realized I needed to heat up the food... and buy a table ... and vaccumm and shower. So i do all of those things somehow by 6:15pm and then play it cool when people show up at 6:38 as if I had been waiting around all day for them.

The timing on their half couldn't have been better though, because the sunset was beautiful and I love watching it from my deck and they were able to share in this also.

So embarrassing part now, they give me the alcohol and demand drinks... and I blank. All of that school just went out of my head. So i panicked and made the first drink wrong, but after that I wans't too bad. I made a cosmo which I tasted, and to me it tasted like ass, but to Big Sis she said it was alright. A little strong but she liked it that way. Whateve, if she enjoys the drink then I'm happy. I think I later realized I just can't stand the taste of vodka, hence why I hate cosmos lol.

So then it's own like donkey kong. I made a long island (which I didn't taste) and everyone said it was horrible. Well, since I made the drink I'll eat my own dog food... except this was quite possibly the sexiest drink I've had ever. I loved the taste of the Long Island. It was fantastic. As it turns out I also later realized that my friends can't stand the taste of tequilla, while I on the other hand do... a lot. I smell a story coming up in my life.

The first drink that was a hit was the funnily named "Sex On The Beach." I made one for "Guy who lives near me who I can't remember his alias"'s girlfriend and she said it was really good. At first I thought she was stroking my ego, which I didn't mind at all, but after she let the other girls taste it, they all agreed and said it was amazing. Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam! It's on.

So the other two girls asked for one and it was a funny joke that all the ladies loved my "sex on the beach." Well, more a tish awkward because of the way it came out. Anyways, I ended up getting The Myth (aka "The Man" aka "The Legend") a tasty blue drink. He claims the was a hole in his cup because it kept emptying so fast. I don't care at all because people were loving my drinks.

We ended up playing poker to end the night off and I was salty about losing with my pocket Aces. But I kept making drinks for people and now I'm almost out of rum so I need to go buy some. I'm going to plan a second apartment party and this time I'm gonna try to either plan it with my complex party or I'll just turn it into a pool party. Who knows. All I can tell you is that Version 2 of Brandon's Apartment party will be much better.

That time Brandon liked a girl

2010-03-25T21:57:00.000-04:00

So me and girls have always had an rocky road. Back in the day I was too shy to approach them and so forth. Well, way back in the day, like 5th grade back in the day I had developed a crush on this girl Mary. Mary was a fun girl, she had freckles and had a giggly laugh that would just melt your heart.

I also had this friend Kevin back in the day who do stuff with me, like run around at recess or share stuff at lunch or sleep overs or whatever else kids did back in the day. I honestly can't remember what we did too well.

Here's what I do remember. One day after me and Kevin had been talking and shooting the shit (yeah, we called it that back in the fifth grade) he noticed I kept saying Mary's name. So he goes "you like Mary!" and of course I responded "No I don't!" and surprisingly enough, he dropped the subject.

Around two hours later our teacher gave us silly putty eggs as we were walking out of the classroom. They were covered in the plastic which you had to peel off (and throw away) and then you could play with the silly putty inside. Quite awesome.

As me, Kevin and Mary were walking out of the classroom, I unwrapped mine threw out the plastic and waited outside for them. Mary unwrapped hers and threw out her plastic and waited with me while I watched Kevin leave the classroom. Kevin unwraps his and then throws out his silly putty instead of the wrapper and proceeds to walk out.

I of course noticed this and laugh and say "hey, you threw the wrong thing out." Well Kevin, not even looking at me, goes, "oh yeah? Mary, he likes you." Woah, what the fuck buddy?? I make a small joke / observation and you come back at me like that? You just ruined any chance I had of holding her hand!

This blog post is to you Kevin, I will never forget this and I hold you personally responsible for me and Mary never grew up together and got married.

Douche bag.

(P.S. I knew we were supposed to be married because M.A.S.H. said so!)

Brandon goes to the dentist.

2010-03-24T22:45:00.000-04:00

So the setting is I'm a an 18 year old kid (as opposed to a 22 year old kid) and I need to get my teeth checked up on. That 6 month ordeal which is inevitable.

Well, I walk into the office myself since my dad had given me the insurance card and I was able to drive on my own. I'd been there enough that they knew my face and I was old enough to drive around. Plus my dad worked night shifts and it wasn't easy for him to make the early appointments (yay for growing up on your own!).

Of course I was 5 minutes early, but I had to wait the mandatory "11 minutes while 2 other people who came in after you are seen before you" time, but all was well because they had a Highlights next to me. (Remember Highlights? Gods, I loved that magazine.)

So after the prescribed 11 minutes I get called by the nurse/assistant. We make small talk while I realize she's actually flirting with me while I try to play it cool and smooth and talk back to her. I actually end up walking into a corner. Real cool. Whateves. She giggles and I just shake my head and curse the gods in my head while I regain my composure and say some line like "oh, haha, I meant to do that." Like I fucking planned to walk into a corner. I need(ed?) better backup lines.

We finally make our way to the dentist room after what felt like hours but was probably closer to 16 seconds, which of course the entire time I was trying to rub my shoulder but play it off like I wasn't try to rub it. They had some sharp corners. Once I get into the chair they lean me back to the mandatory "lean him back till he feels like he's about to slide onto his head" level and she starts to goto town on my teeth.

She's got the little scrapper going and plucking off the yellow build up, which she tried to explain to me wasn't plaque, but I wans't listening because I was so concerned about me making a fool of myself.

So once she's done with that and we converse a little bit she leaves and I wait for the dentist. In comes the dentist. Now in hindsight I can safely say she probably had a D cup maybe even a C+ cup (do they even make those?) but at the time I said "she has large boobs" and thought nothing of it.

Well, as we are all aware, when you get your teeth cleaned, the dentist goes from tooth to tooth and rubs some magic shit on your teeth which is magically better than toothpaste but tastes remarkably like toothpaste. As my dentist does this, since my chair wasn't low enough, that or she couldn't see over her chest, she had to lean in to get a closer look at my teeth as she did this. As she leaned over, I couldn't help but feel boob pressing against my head. Not just a graze, which is still hot btw, but a full on pressing against my head.

Now I'm an 18 year old virgin in every sense pretty much and I've got boob rubbing my head. What do you think would happen in this situation? Well, I'll help you out. Brandon started to get aroused. Now when you're at a desk covered by something, that's cool and dandy, just play it off. But when you are on you're back with an attractive lady with large boobs rubbing them against your head and you start to get aroused, not the easiest thing to play off. You can't even pull off the belt boner trick smoothly.

So what do I do? I "try to get comfortable" in my already uncomfortable and upside down position and try to say something is I do it. You know what happens? I go to say something, forgetting I have all sorts of metal shit in my mouth from her and it comes out as a moan as I re-adjust my body in the chair along with a little bulge now growing.

But that's not all! See, she was actually done cleaning my teeth but noticed that I had a small kinda sorta cavity. Not really a cavity, but if I didn't brush 3 times a day for the next lifetime it would have turned into one. So her being such the kind and worried person she is, she wants to fill that cavity today! Awesome! Let me just cross my legs.... Guys always do that in dentist chairs right?

Well, when she said "fill that cavity" what she meant to say was "rub my boobs all over Brandon's head and watch him squirm,"

This woman couldn't find the "best angle" so she proceeded to test out every angle before doing her work. Cool. So pretty much I'm getting a reverse lap dance in a non erotic environment. It's gonna be fun trying to walk out.

And let me tell you, it was. After focusing on the pain (imagine that, I focused on the pain to get my mind off of her boobs, but wow, she had some nice boobs) to get through her chest slapping my face, she finished up and said her goodbyes with a grin on her face while I had an embarrassed/wow these pants are really tight look on my face. Well, I had to walk down the hallway of no end to pay, and each step was one filled with eyes straight ahead and don't look anywhere but the exit.

I paid my bill (yay for growing up on your own again! Granted though, I didn't mention to my parents I had to pay the co-pay because I'm not that type of person) and was on my way with a throbbing member.

The amusing part is, I normally have a guy and this is the only time I've seen this lady before. The next time I went to the dentist it was the same guy again. In my years after this story I've wondered if that was even a real dentist. I honestly don't care though.

Sorry no recent blog posts.

2010-03-24T21:43:00.000-04:00

I haven't had as much free time as I used to. Without going into details, I've been seeing girl again and things are great this time. I've also been trying to plan this party I'm trying to have at my place which I'm hoping I can make some good drinks for people. But my practice runs aren't the best. While honestly they are good, it's just that I can't stand the smell / taste of hard alcohol, so any hint of it kinda ruins a drink for me. So I guess I'll be a very fair critic of myself.

I also love my fireplace and pandora, the combination of the two allowed me the courage to write up these blog posts. That and the wine, the wine helped out a lot too. Maybe it was really the wine only. Nah, it was a perfect storm tonight, that and I'm alone for once. Enjoy the next post, it's a story I've had in my head for awhile.

So I jacked up my sleep schdule.

2010-03-17T02:22:00.000-04:00

I got home from work today and I was playing Final Fantasy XIII. Fantastic game as usual. Very fun.Well, I played it for a little and I noticed my eyes were getting more tired and I happened to lay down to help my head because it was getting heavy.

So I pause my game at 5:30 and just rest my eyes.

I awake and look around and check my watch, it's 12am.

Interesting. Well, it appears I'll be awake for a little while now.

So there's this degree commercial

2010-03-17T02:15:00.000-04:00

It shows a guy camping and he pulls out a stick of dgree man or something of that naming convention (I just gotta throw this out there, I love Old Spice commercials and that's a huge part of the reason I buy their products.) and puts it on. He then hops on his bike and rids away and then his front tire falls off. Oh no! But it's cool, he's got degree man on! So he keeps it cool and just rides on his back tire for what looks like 3 miles downhill and then happily just lands on his still spinning front tire. I can only imagine he then rides off into the sunset and wrestles a bear.

Now that's cute and all, but not at all like my experience. Here's how that situation goes for a regular person. I was riding my bike on a forest preserve trail back home and I was having a swell time. It was early morning so it wasn't freakishly hot out and the bugs were at a minimum. I was humming a tune in my head as I'm pedaling like dogs were chasing me. I'm flying, I actually have a speedometer on my bike (to give you an idea) and I was going 24 mph. (My record if 30 miles an hour and that was downhill with the wind pushing me.)

Well, as I come up the bridge I notice a few things. One, there's a small gap between the front of the bridge and the path. No biggue, I'll hop that. The second and more important thing I notice, is that on the other side of this bridge, the path is not completed. Let me paint you the picture. We are on a bride around 1 foot of the ground to go over a stream. The bridge is around 10 feet long. Remember it being 1 ft off the ground? Well, they didn't put dirt on the other side to help you get back to the ground... that's one foot below you. But it gets better! What they did put, were giant rocks.

So now in real time. I'm pedaling like there's a naked girl waiting for me at home and i hop a small crack to get on the bridge. I'm still going strong and I come to the end of the bridge and I see a giant drop off. I'm going too fast to stop so I make a split decision to go ahead and try to "bunny hop" down to the ground. As I pedal off of the bridge with some sense of confidence, my confidence is lost instantly.

Remember those giant rocks, well, this one was around a foot in diameter (half of it was buried underground) and my front tire hit it squarely. Now this is where I bring it all together. My front tire fell off just like the guy in the degree commercial, except for me, I then fell on my left knee and left shoulder pretty hard. I scratched up my knee superficially so there was open (but not deep) cuts and I ripped my shirt. The best part? I'm 3 miles from home in the middle of a forest preserve.

Luckily I was able to get my tire back on my bike. The funny part? By the time I fixed my bike it was around 11 am and the sun was bitch slapping me around. So not only did I have to pedal back home, but since it was so gods awfully hot, I was sweating profusely and that was dripping right into my fresh wounds. What a lovely ride.

So what I have to say is, the degree guy sucks. When someone's front tire falls off, it does not matter what deodorant you wear, you will fall and quite possibly hurt yourself.

Brandon picks up butts.

2010-03-12T16:26:00.000-05:00

So i was in a pretty good mood yesterday and strolled into my apartment complex yesterday to buy some firewood. As I walked in, the apartment manager asks me "Brandon, do you smoke?" I told her no and she goes, "Hmm, do you have guests that smoke?" I said yes and she goes "ah, then that's it." "Your guests have been tossing the cigarette butts off the balcony into the grass below" (Which i really wasn't aware of) So we chatted and I told her that I'll make sure it won't happen again. But that put me in a funk, I felt bad now that she had to talk to me about that.

So when I got to my place I walked around back and picked all of them up. While I was picked them up, the 68 year old lady who lives below me (who's super super cool) said that she was so happy it was me that had done the cigarettes. She has a loveseat swingset combo, and she was afraid that it was kids who were smoking in her chair and throwing the butts everywhere. So i told her it was my guests and I was aware it was happening and I'll make sure it won't happen again and she said she wasn't really concerned about the cigarettes so much as having random people in her back area.

As i walked back into my apartment I gave the manager a ring and told her I picked them up and she sounded genuinely surprised. She told me I didn't have to do that at all, but I told her I felt bad about the situation and wanted to make it right.

I felt good about myself again and my funk was lifted. I slept easy that night.

I just placed an order for my Bar Supplies =)

2010-03-10T16:16:00.000-05:00

I'm happy =) It only cost me around $60 total and I get some real tools. This should be fun March 27th =) I'm excited for them to come!

Brandon goes to his Apartment Complex Party (hidden part 3)

2010-03-10T12:41:00.000-05:00

This is just my follow up to the whole apartment party scene. While I know I wasn't a huge drunken mess at the apartment party, i still went over to the manager/host and apologized for my actions, namely being so drunk. She took it awesomely and said I wasn't bad at all and told me not to worry about it. That made me feel good.

Next up is Therapist, I actually gave her a call last night and I went "alright, I'm sorry but I can't remember the distinction you were trying to make about friend versus Therapist." And she goes, "Well, what I was saying is that I can be your friend or I can be your Therapist, but I cannot be both of them. Which would you like?" I said "oh, well, um, I guess I will choose Therapist" And she went "oh." The bubblyness of her nature totally disappeared, it was as if a balloon had been deflated. She continued "Well, I can't do that now because I'm not practicing right now and there'd be no way for compensation." I felt so bad now and i don't know why. I felt like maybe she also wanted a friend? Just the entire tone of the convo turned sour (no anger at all) and it felt wrong. I think I'm gonna call her back and see if we can be friends or something. I dunno, i just feel guilty over this now.

To cheer myself up, I started playing Final Fantasy XIII which I have been waiting for a long time for it to be released. It's fun, Final Fantasy always delivers =)

Brandon goes to his Apartment Complex Party part 2

2010-03-10T12:29:00.000-05:00

Recap, Brandon's at his apartment party and he's standing at the bar hanging out and he see's Law walk in.

Well, sadly, I was a huge part of the conversation at the bar, plus it was funny and I hated to leave funny. Also, Law sat at the table of the same guy I just left like 20 minutes ago, so I had no smooth way to go approach the table. "Hey, someone cooler than you sat down here so I'm back." Not soo smooth. So I turned back to the bar convo and kept it going and kept my eye on Law. Well, what felt like 6 minutes later, the convo died down, I made my escape and oh no! Law's gone! Not cool, I didn't even get a chance to introduce myself! Which in hindsight is probably a good thing because I have no idea I would have gotten across my dream to have a gay friend without hitting on him. Or at least him thinking I'm hitting on him.

So I play it cool and make my way back to the bar and continue talking with the peeps over there. It's around 7:30 now. And then in strolls Hands. Hands is around 57 i guess (once women get into college, I can't guess their age, she could have been 30, she could have been 70, I honestly have no idea, but 57 sounds right. Plus that number is also on ketchup bottles) and has an 11 year old daughter. Hands comes in and talks and waves her hands around like an old woman so I didn't think anything of it since she's older. Well, after getting her first drink, it became very apparent to me and Regular that Hands was beyond drunk. She was also very loud and like to touch you. Not bad, just like on the shoulder or forearm, just kinda annoying when that's your drink holding arm. So I put my drink on the bar and literally 4.65 seconds later, Hands has knocked it onto the floor. Not cool, especially since it was around half-full and I'm guilty by association.

Well, we get the mess cleaned up and I manage to walk away without seeming rude and then make my way to another table. Right now I'm very drunk and I check my phone to see the time and it says 8:15. I play it off on the fact I'm so drunk and I'm not going to check again because I know this thing ends at 8. [In hindsight, it really was 8:15 and I wasn't that drunk... yet.]

So I sit down at this table with two people, a married couple, Churchcamp & Therapist. Alright, first off, I'm not a huge fan of churchy people. I usually just shy away from them simply because they tend to always bring up the fact I don't goto church and force me to talk about church with them. That said, I can't think of a better name for this guy without using his real name, so I settled on this. This guy broke the mold, he was telling stories from Churchcamp the majority of the time (how he got his name) but they were hilarious stories and he was a super cool and down to earth guy. Plus he works with computer so we hit it off. Next to him was his wife Therapist. She was also an awesome lady who also had me laughing alot, she mentioned what she does and I was like "really? I've always wanted a therapist." and then... it gets hazy.

She tries telling me that she can be my friend or therapist but not... money... I "wake up" and I'm saying bye to her and that I should probably get going also [way to go Brandon!]. I tell them to have a good night and I try to help clean up the party with the manger and her husband/boyfriend [where the hell is everyone else??] They say they have it under control and to not worry about it, and after making sure I head home [damn those shots weren't a good idea, at least not more than 3, or 4...]. I "wake up" again and this time I'm in my apartment and barely able to stand straight.

I kid you not, if there was something to stumble into, I did it. Tv? No actually lol, even in my super inebriated mindset, I still kept her safe. So i did the next logical thing which was to instead trip and fall to my knees. Only to try and pull myself up and fall into my couch. Normally, this would be awesome, but i had just done laundry and so it was covered in freshly folded clothing. So I couldn't lay there, I had to crawl to my bed and then drag myself into it. I have not been that drunk in a very very very long time. I woke up not even close to sober.

-Brandon

Brandon goes to his Apartment Complex Party

2010-03-10T11:01:00.000-05:00

So every other Friday, my apartment complex holds a TGIF party with free food and you guessed it, free food. So I went to one the very first day I moved in, and said hi to a few people and parted after 1 drink.

The second time I went there, that was a much different story.

I strolled over there at around 6:15 starving, (it runs from 6 to 8pm), and grabbed myself a little burrito and sat down an open table. Time for Brandon to break the ice and get to meet some people and start bursting out of his bubble.

I asked the guy if the seat was taken, he said no and I'm in! We small talked for a bit, I asked him a few things, we chatted, he's from Springfield, I'm from Chicago, he works nearby, I work at UD, and back and forth. Well after my meal, I said my goodbyes to guy and moved over to the bar.

This guy, I'll call him Regular, shows up to everyone of these rain or shine. He's there so often, he has his own space, there's even a thing on the floor for him. I now have a new goal in life. But Regular is there and remembers me from back in the day and we chatted a bit while Brandon drank. Jokes were made and drinks were consumed along with Jello shots. Wait, what? Jello shots? Yeah, the manager lady was walking around carrying trays of jello shots and giving them to everyone. And when she came back with a few on her tray, guess who finished them off for her? This guy.

Well, while I'm drinking and joking around at the bar, Law walks in. I can't remember if I mentioned him before, but quick side story. When I was signing the paper-work to buy my apartment, a gay guy walked into to get something and we were introduced and it was man-crush at first sight. He's the gay guy I can have be my friend! Back to apartment party which is 4 months after meeting Law and never seeing him again. Well, actually, I have to head to lunch now, so instead of save this, I'll have a part two coming up =)

So I always wake up with a song in my head. (Also shower story)

2010-03-01T00:06:00.000-05:00

And sometimes, well, usually lol, throughout the day a song also pops in my head. When I say pops in my head, it's like an overwhelming urge to hear and relive the moment. The only way I guess to describe it is it's like having a sexual longing for someone, not only the sex side, but the caring and compassion and missing them, you want them now. Well, a song just popped in my head, and it's Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams." I don't even care much for this song, but it just came into my head and I needed to hear it now, so since I had to stop my episode of Lost to hear it, I might as well blog.

So I have another story I'd like to share. So the setting is 2 days after graduation and I had finally moved in the last of my items. Man I was pumped, I was in my brand new apartment by myself and it was lovely. I have a nice view, it has a fireplace, I'm by myself, I have a kick-ass tv (and no food at all to eat btw, it was either tv or food. Enough said.) and life is looking fantastic. So since I didn't have cable or internet (which I'm going to call cable for now on, since there's no need to separate them anymore) I listened to a kid I work with Movie and started watching Lost. After a few episodes in, I was in love with the show and wanted to see more, but alas I had to wake up at 6 for work and it was 2.

So I woke up at 6 and I wasn't tired at all, I was thrilled to head to work from my new place. I hop out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. I turn on my bathroom light and smile at myself in my freakishly large bathroom mirror. Gods, today is going to be a great day! I can feel it! I was humming the song in my head at the time and skipped to the shower.

Oh yeah! I'm taking my clothes off and ready for an awesome shower to wake me up and put me in the right mood to take on today! So I turn on the faucet and the water is streaming out just perfect and I'm doing a little dance waiting for the water to warm up.

Alrighty, the water is all warmed up, let's get this party started! I pull out the knob and let that water start to cascade down in it's powerful torrents of water and back massaging goodness! Or so I thought and hoped. No. What came out was equivalent to a leaky faucet. I kid you not, it just dribbled out and barely got me wet. I could have showered better from my sink.

But all's not lost, I'm still in a good mood, let's make the best of what we've got and just make it hot enough so that I don't care! Bam. Apparently the hot water decided to also stop working (really I should say stop working fully because it wasn't cold water, just barely warm water) and I was left with something very close to dirty gas station drip. You know, that drip the faucet does no matter how hard you turn the knobs.

Well, I can't cry over split milk, so I finish my record setting shower and get out and dry. You know how when you take a hot shower it's always colder when you step out of the shower? Well, when I got out of the shower it was warmer, yeah, it was that shitty.

The funny part is, I called my apartment complex when I was at work that day and told them about it, and they told me they won't be able to fix it until the day after I called. So I had to take another drip shower before it was resolved.

The second funny part is, my hot water gets ridiculously hot very quickly, so I was in for a surprise the day my shower got fixed.

-Brandon

You know, life is looking very good right now.

2010-02-27T18:07:00.000-05:00

I just got my last paycheck from my old job, my new job will (hopefully, I've been having issues overthere) pay me in around a week, I'm slowly working my credit card balance down (I still love you Sammi and I'm so happy I have you =) ), thanks to a friend I have a jam-packed freezer of food, I just sent out invites to my apartment party with what I hope was a funny e-mail, I finally wired my speakers all over my apartment (just need to make it look pretty now), I work at an awesome job, and my country song just came on, Chicken Fried.

All in all, life's damn amazing right now, if you aren't loving life, we should meet so that I can help you out.

P.S. Pandora is pretty awesome. Also, when I get some time next week I have a dentist story I can share.

So an update is due.

2010-02-22T22:14:00.000-05:00

I'm so happy, I could, well, I could touch myself. (Trust me, that link isn't as bad as I set it up to be.). Anyways, let's go on updates. Last I remember I was pumped I had free internet. Let me explain.

Lego was like, "hey, give this modem a try at your place. It used to be ours and we just took it out but someone is still paying the bill somewhere." So I took it home. Well, I tried it out that night and it worked and that was when I IM'ed you guys screaming like a kid who saw his first pair of boobies. Well, 1.80 weeks after I got the modem from Lego, he was like, "did you try that out? Does it work?" and I said naturally, "nah, I haven't tried it yet, I'll get get back to you on if it works or not."

2.00 weeks after I got the modem from Lego, I was no longer employed at the same place as Lego. I was going to type something to describe how pumped I am to be not working under the same roof as Lego and Squirrel, but I mean, well, it pretty much sucked personally working with those two juvenile perverts, so I have not good analogy to go for them.

Just let me go off for a moment. I kid you not, every time a girl walked by, no matter hot or not, a comment was made about her. And if she was hot, oh god, let the 10 year old jokes flow. See the sad part is, both of these are married men, while and and the other co-worker are not. I had to stop myself from laying into those two, but that's a huge part of why I couldn't stand working with them.

So yes, back on track, I gots me some free internet, and damn it's delicious. Plus I get to do these blog updates which I know you all are pumped about =)

Brandon buy's a gift (kinda part two, more like a side (quest) story)

2010-02-18T23:26:00.000-05:00

So when I bought the chain for this girl, I strolled in and picked it out with his help (nothing fancy) and that's that. As we're talking he goes and who is this for. I pause and think

"um, why does he care?"
"Oh, he's got a form that has this question on it."
"Interesting, I was not at all prepared for this."
"I need a name now. Well, user her real now"

So I used her real name and birthdate and I got the gift and left. Well, I still needed the pendant.

So i stroll into the first story I see and I ask for help. This guy walks up and we're chatting and he's kinda new so he asks his "co-worker/supervisor" for help. What does he call her? "Shenanigans." I burst out laughing and then play it cool and let her help me pick out what I need while he is cracking hilarious jokes the entire time.

So I purchase my pendant and I'm walking out and I realized I need another bad to cover what I've bought. Well, I walk into another store and this girl around my age (she looks 23-25) is at the counter and I said "Can I get one of your bags to cover mine?" And she said "Sure, what's in yours.... is it an engagement ring?,,,," I just looked at her and smiled my Brandon smile and said "Thanks for the bag." This girl said, and I quote" Omg omg omg!" and then that hand flap/wave thing girls do when they get excited or very hot.

I can't remember if I ended the last post, so i'll end this post.

End.

I owe you guys a blog

2010-02-18T22:59:00.000-05:00

So I know I've been slacking and I know I've left you guys in the deep end without any clue as to how my life is going.

I'm sorry, I'll do the same contract as I had to make with my mom, I'll update you guys with something at least once a week.

So this update is more of a story rather than a blog. I have a few ideas like cleaning your place or dishes, but tonight's blog will be focused on Brandon buying a gift.

I had to buy a girl a gift (yes Big Sis and Sparks, this is the girl you're thinking of) and boy was this fun. So I was told around a month in advance that we would be exchanging gifts, and at the time, us meeting we pretty iffy, so i just kinda pushed it aside, I had bigger things to worry about.

Well, (I'm telling this story because it happened to me and I became the "typical guy" but I'm not usually this bad about buying gifts.) (jk, I am =D) it came down to the day of, and this girl was like "alright, let's meet at 6 at a restaurant. And I said "Sure thing." What I felt was "oh shit, fuck, I need a gift now and I don't have one. Shit shit. Shit!" Yeah, I haven't freaked out since my drobo "died" on me.

Well, I made the mistake of losing my cool (very un-like me) and running to Lego (this was at 9:30 am when I got the text) and asking him: "Hey, I need to get a girl I have feelings for a gift. Like now." Lego says "well, let's see, is this a girl you've known for a while? I mean you could always buy her flowers."

Here's what went through my head, Lego said "...known for a while?" and in my head I said "What the fuck does it matter Lego? Get to the point, I need a gift now dickhead." And then he pauses and I'm like, this could be great, he has a wife (somehow) at his young age, he could be a master in disguise. Lego says "... you could always buy her flowers." In my head, and it was hard to keep in my head, I said "Flowers!?!? Are you fucking serious? A homeless guy would have told me that. A kid asking a girl to prom would have said that. Flowers? For fucks sake kid, what is this? Amateur hour? You have not added anything of value whatsoever and I realized I just asked a kid a grown up question."

So in a nutshell I threw out his answer the moment it hit my ears and I started to freak out again and think deeply... for about 6 seconds, and then I didn't care because I knew I couldn't do anything about the situation until I left work.

Well, work comes to an end I realize, "oh shit, I didn't think of a good solution. Let's do that now." That "now" part was when I was on 675 to my apartment. For those who don't know, once I hit 675, I'm less than 3 miles away from my apartment.

So I'm on 675 and thinking about what to do, and then it hits me, jewelry. But I mean, I can't just buy diamonds, again, that's amateur hour. Only a guy who has no clue buys a girl diamonds during a "big" holiday (valentines day, Christmas, her birthday, ect) if you have any clue you stagger those big gifts to make it mean more. Surprise her on April 7th with a necklace, (I didn't check to google that date, but as far as I know it's a "nothing" date) and she'll love it.

Well after getting off my exit I drive past a jewelry's place and I'm like, this is it, let's do this. So I stroll in like a helpless and desperate guy, which I was, and I said "I'm looking for something cheapish to impress a girl". Some talking went down and he showed me a chain for $70 dollars. Seriously? Just the chain? I was hoping for the whole thing for $70 dollars. Whateve, I buy that. It's 4:30 when I purchase it. I say to myself, "I can shower in 30 minutes and then head to the mall and pick something out for her."

I drive home and shower and get back into my car, it's 5:05. I say, "no big deal, let's do this." So i drove over to the mall and walk around, and I walk into the first jewelry store I see and I pick something out with some help (that's another story =D I'm trying to shorten this one up.)

As I leave the mall it's 5:47. I arrive at the restaurant at 5:59 walk in like I wasn't stressed at all. We ate, and at the end I gave her her gift.

To say she loved it is an understatement. It's like saying I kinda like Blue Moon. She was so happy about this necklace that her excitement could have powered the earth for 3 days. (Just for those who don't get that joke, that's A LOT of fucking energy).

So I need a gay friend

2010-02-14T20:30:00.000-05:00

I have had this fantasy that I need a gay friend for the longest time. Like, I've had gay friends before, so I'm no stranger to gays. It's just, I want a close gay friend. One who can help me dress up my apartment.

So sidenote, I have this gay friend at work who's cool. Actually very cool. The only problem is, he's tried to turn me.... since the moment he met me.

So this guy is out of the question, but I still want a gay friend. The guy I saw when I was trying to get my apartment was obviously gay, and he looked perfect for my situation, but I mean, how do i approach a gay guy?

"So um, I noticed you come here often, can you help me out at my apartment?"

While I seriously need some interior designer help, I am also not in need of an "interior" designer.

So I am at a loss with the gay guy commuinity. I need an awesomly cool guy gay who will help me out with my apartment. I mean, also, gay guys are fucking cool as shit (the ones who I hang out with) so I need some more of their kind in my life.

Gay guys, where are you!!!

Girl's have cherries

2010-02-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

So let's play this game call "Out of Context, In Context."

Out of context. When hitting on a girl, don't say "Well, Sloe Gin fizzes are girly sounding, and girls have cherries. Every guy wants a girl's cherry." Not the smoothest line one could come up with.

Well obviously in context is going to take much longer to type up, but I'll keep it short. The background is we are making drinks in class and once you pour everything in a glass, there are two steps left, you garnish the drink and then put a straw in it. The garnish is a pretty annoying part because it's so so so easy to forget. Well, this cute girl was in class and I was her partner. Now since I have such a juvenile mind I always have perverted ways to remember things. This is two-fold, a) they make me giggle to myself. b) the humor helps me remember. Well, when making a Sloe Gin Fizz (Sidenote, next time you go out ask for one, they are delicious and not strong. They are a "tall" drink and consist of 1.5 ounces of Sloe Gin (Strawberry Liqueur) 3oz of Sweet and Sour and a splash of club soda topper.) you make the drink and then you need to garnish it. For some reason everyone always forgets the garnish. So I was trying to help this girl out.

Brandon: "Alright, almost, you're missing your garnish"
Apple: "Shit, what's this garnish? I always forget it."
Brandon: "Alright, there's an easy way to remember this. Fizzes sounds girly, and... nevermind, it's kinda bad."
Apple: [She puts on her smug, I can handle it face] and says "No, keep, going."
Brandon: "Haha, alright, well, Fizzes are girly sounding and girls have a cherry. And every guy wants a girl's cherry. So it's a cherry garnish for the girly drink."
Apple: [Shocked look on her face] "Ugh."
Brandon: "Hahaha, but yeah, now you won't forget the garnish"
Apple: "..."

So I guess even in context, it still wasn't a smooth line.

Free Internet!!!

2010-02-11T18:42:00.000-05:00

Gods damn life is fucking great. Alright, first off, this title says it all. I'm so fucking happy right now. So much awesomeness is happening. Oh man, hahaha, I don't think i'll make any sense tonight.=D

But let me try!

Haha, no, not this post. Jesus H. (Sidenote, little know fact, the "H" in 'Jesus H. Christ' does not stand for "Henery" like most think, but rather it's "Harold". Yeah, chew on that.) I feel great.

Alright, this jibberish will have to do until I calm down and stop yelling and cheering to myself in my apartment. And when I say free internet, I mean, it's not work related. Which means when I lose my laptop in a week, I can still get me some free internet!

Damn, I'm feeling great!

-Brandon

I feel pretty damn awesome =)

2010-02-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

Well, today actually was an amazing day! I woke up feeling good, I made my bosses feel good, I even made some users feel good. So can you guess where I'm going with this?

So you know that who stereotype about black guys having bigger penis's than whites? Yeah, it's true. Haha, I joke, please, there's no way I'd dedicate a blog post to my wang. (hahahaha, I said wang, focus Brandon!). No, but that is the lead in into tonight's story.

Well, tonight's story starts with Brandon in a great mood. So my bartending class tonight dealt with cutting fruit. We had to buy a lemon, lime, and orange. Orange is the focus of this story. So first off, I stool over to Meijer to buy some fruit. For some reason they don't keep the single fruit next to the "bag of 20." You know what's the first you see when you walk in the door? The bag of 20. You know who looks like a fool walking around the fruit second looking for a single lime because I can't justify buying 15 for $10? This guy. But I persevered after 4 minutes of walking in circles and pretty sure creeping every female out (because of course there weren't guys in this section).

Well, I found me the single section of fruits and bam! it's game on bitches. I buy me the plumpest orange (and lemon and lime) i could find and head on to class.

Class was fun, scary as shit because I'm working on my speed rounds now. God, I'll do another blog on that subject, but yeah, not easy at all, you learn to freak out (for most very quickly). And for those who know, I don't freak out. But at the end of today's class we have to do fruit cutting. And this guy in my class "Pawn" this guy who I've become great friends with is telling me this story.

His story goes. "Yeah, I was out buying all this shit to make this stuff at home and I realized as I was leaving, oh shit, I forgot Oranges." and his wife went "it's okay, we have oranges at home." That was his mistake friends, but my profit for this story =) Well, on his way to class tonight he raided his fridge and grabbed the oranges his wife talked about...

So we show up in class and we're sitting there. I just passed my mid-term.... barely. You need to get a 90 or above, guess what I go? 90. I feel good, but gods damn I cut it close. Anyways, we finish our test and we bring out our fruit and.. well.. he brought out these "oranges." They were were closer to tangerines, but were actually marbles. Even our instructor laughed and pointed at him. And in the same breath he goes, "oh look at Brandon, he's got a nice and large orange there. Yeah, that's a good one." So we laugh and go on with class. We cut our lemons, (ask me how to cut fruit, it's damn cool friends =)) and then we cut out limes.

And then we go to cut our oranges, and our teacher goes "well, if yours is even big enough to use..." Of course I laughed, please, I have the maturity level of a toddler. And Pawn was not happy to hear me laugh, and then everyone laughed because of the pure fact that I laughed. And then our teacher was like "yeah, Brandon's doing alright in that area." And Pawn goes "Whatever guys, you can say what you want, I'm confident with what I have." and our teacher said "Whatever helps you sleep at night." Well, I mean, there were a few more jokes and it's getting a bit old, but they were damn funny =)

Of course this isn't the only reason I'm pumped, but this is a great start. But wow, today was a great day =) Fantastic day, I'm daring even using the sacred P word. For now friends, sleep well =)

I'm in a good mood.

2010-01-27T09:56:00.000-05:00

So first I'll just share a short (possibly cute) story of me and my mom shopping. We're running around wal-mart and she's trying to pick up the most expensive options that she can find. I swear, growing up makes you have higher standards, she's trying to grab the $5 dollar box of Captin' Crunch, while I'm looking around for $2 dollar box of Lieutenant Crunch. Well, as we're walking around, we come to the trash can section and I grab a trash can and just start walking away. She goes "that comes with a lid Brandon." and I say "I know." She goes, "you aren't going to take the lid?" and I say "No, i don't use it anyways." and she stops and looks at me, then goes, "how are you going to cover your garbage?" I smiled because I'm clearly not connecting the dots she's trying lay out for me and I say "I don't plan on covering my garbage, the lid gets in the way of me throwing stuff away." This just shocked her. "You're going to leave your garbage uncovered?" "...Yeah..." "Ugh, that's disgusting Brandon." "Um, sorry Mom?" So then she tries to sneak it into my cart, and well, you can't really sneak a trash can lid into a cart, so i stop her and say "Mom, really, I won't use it and I don't want it." and she goes "That's just gross, you're going to leave your garbage uncovered and in the open?" "...Yeah..." "Brandon!" "...By the way Mom, I am living by myself away from you, so you don't have to worry that much, besides, I buy the scented garbage bags, so my garbage won't smell too bad anyways." The scented bags made her feel better and she let me buy my trash can. Silly mom. (Trix are for kids!, Sorry, I couldn't resist =) )

Second up, I think I know what I'm going to do with this girl. I'm going to keep talking to her, but it'll be different this time, I won't be at her mercy of how she feels like treating me that day. Plus, as I was walking to work today, I realized there's a huge flaw in my plan if I try to cut her out of my life. So I'm trying to get a job at UD, that's all fine and dandy, well, she just started attending UD. And will be for the next 3 years... UD isn't that big where I know I won't see her. Plus, she's actually been super nice to me for a while and I'm not spending money on her anymore (she did spend money on me at times also) so I mean, there's not too bad if I weigh my options. Plus, I don't really have the ability to cut her out of my life for some reason. Whateves, things are a bit different now then they were before.

The sun in shining and behind a window with the heat on, it looks lovely. Outside, it's colder than death and windier than a hurricane, but at least it looks pretty =) It's times like these I wish I had my camera, but apparently you need money to buy a camera, and while I don't even have internet or cable, I feel I should get those first. But hell, that's not how Brandon works. So we'll see, it'll be a toss up when I get some money. Speaking of money, when I was back home for Christmas, my mom packed me some food like frozen chicken and such. She also gave me some string beans. Well, I drove the 7 hours (2 hours longer than normal because of the crappy weather, got into my place at 1am, unpacked the bag she told me the food was in and passed out. The string beans however, were not in the bag she told me all the food was in. So they went bad. I mentioned this like 2 weeks later and she was "Oh no! You need your vegetables!" And I told her I'd buy some...eventually. Well, yesterday I got letter from her. It was a check for $100 and on the note, she said "this is for vegetables Brandon." Yeah, right Mom.

-Brandon

I feel like blogging, blogging, gibberish gibberish-do! Part 3. Yeah, I went there.

2010-01-26T21:53:00.000-05:00

Hahaha, man, I really couldn't resist.

So on a more serious note, my downfall in life will be because I can't lie.

Anyways, all laughs on my part aside, Sparkle got her name because of her eyes. If you're lucky enough to get a glance from her, then count your blessings. That glance will carry with it, something that might knock a lesser man off his feet. But am I a lesser man you ask???

Yes, I am, but I was sitting, so I didn't have to worry about my feet.

So it all worked out. Thus concludes my tale of the B-Dubs crowd.

-Brandon

I feel like blogging, blogging, gibberish gibberish-do! Part 2!!1!

2010-01-26T21:46:00.000-05:00

I got tired of typing and wanting to get that previous post out before I forgot and let it die (Foo Fighters anyone?)

The Runners up are given the names of :.... whoops, that's almost like a preview on TV, once you read those words you had no reason to read ;)

First up is Vulgar Vixen. This girl has the mouth of a sailor, when you see her, you'll know it. I joke, she's actually what [lady who's place I slept at new years] called "a pinch" when asked how to refer to Vulgar as a measurement. Vulgar ironically is probably the sweetest person you'll ever meet. And quite honestly, you'll never see the side of her I saw. But if the stars align, and her hubby is in the room, and it's a Blue Moon ;), and you're playing a card game, then Vulgar will come out in her "true" form faster than Lego can jump out of a car me and him are riding in ;). I only joke because that's not her true form, she's really a sweet girl and i'm sure that's all i'll ever see of the Vulgar Vixen, but the parts I saw, man, they were so worth the hangover the next day.

The guy Vulgar was making fun of, well, I don't have a clever name for him. He's an all around stand up guy, nothing hugely memorable that was funny, but he makes into the runner up category as Vulgar's wife. Somewhat of a side story, the whole reason Vulgar got her name was because she was calling a certain guy a "woman," a "bitch," a "pussy." That guy? Vulgar's wife. Good times.

The last runner up is Sparkle. Her and her Rugrats have made the list. I don't have much of a back story that ties into B-Dubs, but they make the list because they were there. But watch as I make up back Stories! =) Well, the first up is Rugrat #1 Abercrombie. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. He got his name because he looks so innocent, cute, yet fun. He'll grow up to be a good kid, plus I like him, which means he'll grow up to be a great kid. haha, I can dream that I affect others that greatly can't I?

Next up is Rugrat #2, I can't think of a clever name for her because I didn't plan on righting about her. But I can say, she reminds me of a cross between Pink and Jewel. She greatly wants her independence, yet she understands where's she's from and both are important to her but where's she's from and who helped her are a huge factor and weigh more importance to her and she won't let it go, that's how she got that name. I will come up with a clever name when it hits me, but as for now, as with my care free lifestyle, I'll come up with one later.

Last up is Sparkle. Some would say that you always save the best for last, go out with a bang. I can see where those people are coming from, but that's not why I have "reserved" Sparkle for the last. Merely it was a natural progress of the way things have come along, to try and "throw" here in anywhere would not do her justice. Well, as I have done, I must divulge, Sparkle's name. Or do?

I feel like blogging, blogging, gibberish gibberish-do!

2010-01-26T21:12:00.000-05:00

So to totally understand my title, you first gotta google "Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancing" and when you hear the chorus then think of my title, I'm sure you'll at least chuckle over it, you might even laugh.

Well, I'm in a mood to blog. So let's blog. I've had an interesting life thus far, very interesting, so instead of me breaking some "rules" and saying things I shouldn't I'll just speak my mind and try and think of a story to also weave into this blog.

I'm applying for a job at UD and I hope all goes well. Also Big Sis, you are not allowed to talk about it missy (seeeee, that's so much better when the girl isn't named Missy!). No matter how much you want to, mainly because I don't want you to get in trouble and more so because I don't want to get you in trouble. But onwards, I hope this works out because I'm tired of working with guys. I feel for girls now when they say every guy thinks a girl is just boobs and hair. Good gods, I am growing sick and borderline disgusted of this. Two of the guys I work with, one especially, and I think he's trying to "connect" with me partly, are like this. And it's growing annoying, I mean, worse case, I don't get the UD job, I stick it out where I am, grab a few certifications, and just peace out. I can't relate to these guys on any level.

Onwards out of sobersville, I have decided this nights blog post will be of the B-Dubs crowd. Big Sis, you mentioned how you wanted to show "that person" my blog when we were at B-Dubs, this is probably the best time to link her. If you're lost as to who "that person" is, you'll figure it out down below.

B-Dubs crowd. This is dedicated to the few, the proud, those who I've always seen at B-Dubs and when I do see, I know a good night is in store. First off, we start with the well known Big Sis. She got the name because she pretty much is my big sister. She's looked after me and guided me, even if it wasn't the best path (remember how you told me to confess my love to Photoshop and she cut me out of her life? Remember when I brought that up to you and you said "Mah bad." and then laughed your butt off, yeah, I laughed too because it was funny. But I'm glad you told me to, it helped me out later on.).

Onwards! We have next, Big Sisters's life Partner "The Myth, The Man, The Legend." Now this person is not always all 3 in one night, no. You will rarely see 2 in the same night, but on that rare and special night, dare I even say, once in a blue moon (giggle! =D), this mythical person shows all of his traits and you are taken aback in awe. When I once tried to compare myself to him, Big Sis responded, "yeah, but well, he's 'The Myth, The Man, and The Legend' you have a ways to go." Indeed I do, I can someday work up to his level.

Next up is Snapple. I feel that everyone always wants to know how I come up with names, so for the rest of these people, I'll actually go through Brandon's mind-set when he comes up with these names. Snapple has been around pretty much every time I've been to B-Dubs. There were I think 2 times she wasn't there, but that's not the point, the point is she's made it to the B-Dubs list and is therefore a regular. This lady got her name because the first night I really "meet" her and hung out for a while, she kept snapping at people to get their attention. Not just once or 4 times, I'm talking at least 7. This was all before she said your name, so you'd kinda have to guess that she was snapping at you, which surprisingly, no one guessed that when she was trying to talk to them.

Second is Commando. Commando is a mix between a "country person", a person who likes hip-hop/rap, a person who is "big" ("big" in my mind means you are around 5'7" and weigh around 275 and are "built" aka have muscle), and a person who just fun to be around. He's a bit shy like me, but after that ice is broken all is well. Small story, this guy tried to pass out on a chair outside when it was around 20 degrees outside. How he got his name: When the B-Dubs crowd and 2 runner ups were defacing the house of a friends the night before a Michigan vs. Ohio State game, a car alarm went off. Normal people run behind a car, a building, in this case a house or a fence, or they might even run behind a tree if it's big enough. Not Commando, what does he do? He runs across the street into the freshly plowed corn fields and is army crawling around like that's normal to do. Now in his defense, he was in the military for a while, so that makes better... kinda. But that's how he got his name.

Last up for the B-Dubs crowd is Nightcap aka Fruit. This guy, he's fun to be around, he's that loud guy that you want to just label an asshole because he's loud, but after being around him, you realize, he's clearly not an asshole and also is hilarious. I mean, he's loud, but really, who isn't loud when they get drunk? This guy is fun to be around and easy to talk to. But how did he get his name you ask? Well, don't worry, I'll tell you! I mean I already said I would didn't I? ;) Well, this guy got his first name due to the fact that no matter the situation, this guy goes to bed before me. Just give that a pause for a moment, these aren't people I am pretending to show how to drink, oh no, these are pros that's I'm hoping I can just hang with. But somehow, when I'm not even close to the "oh shit." feeling, this guy Nightcap is like "i'm getting to bed." Can't complain nor can I say anything else, it's happened a few times, but that's all I care to say, I'm not here to make fun of the make for the next few pages. His alternate nickname, which I personally wish was his real name just because of the story, I won't give to him because I don't want him to be "made fun of." The backstory is, when I drink my Blue Moon's, I keep my oranges in my glass, so if it's a good night, I get up to 3 or 4, maybe even 5 oranges. Well, this was a great night and I had 5 oranges and he looked at my glass and goes "What the fuck?? WHere'd all the FRuit COME from!???" (Yes, that capitalization is on purpose) And I went to say from my beer, but he cut me off and goes "You carry FRUIT in your POCKET???" "You got fruit down there!??" "Oh man, guys! You hear this guy has fruit on him??" Etc. I haven't laughed so hard in my laugh. Man, this guy made such a mark, that I now think of him whenever I get more than 1 Blue Moon because of his fruit jokes. Sadly, others won't find my Fruit nickname as funny.

Girls Girls Girls... part 2. What?! There's a part 2? I'm surprised too.

2010-01-23T14:05:00.000-05:00

So yeah, like I said I'd continue this story. Well, so far we have this, I date girl, I break up with girl, we still talk, she treats me bad still, I say I can't take anymore of her, she comes back at me with how she totaled her car. At this point, I'm like whatever, I don't care anymore. I think this might have sent her into panic mode. For 4 days after that, if I normally got around 3 texts from her, she kicked it up to 6 to 8 texts a day to talk to me. This is actually the same time I started my Bartending class (which is fucking awesome btw =) ) so I really didn't have much time to text her, but i was still just cutting down my texting to her. Well, after 4 days of her texting me and me barely getting back to her, she switched tactics and starting asking me questions.

Uh oh, I have this thing, I don't call people "just to talk." I hate small talk in any way shape or form, if we are going to talk, it will be about something or nothing at all. (For those who drink with me, you can clearly see that the moment my lips touch a beer, this rule is thrown out the window, especially if I like being around you). Like, even me and my mom have this relationship. I one time called her and around 4 seconds into the conversation, since I didn't bring up why I called her, she goes "so why'd you call?" (Again, for those who don't know, I'm a huge momma's boy and my mommy gets heart-broken if we don't talk at least once every 4 days). [Seriously?? Girl just texted me while I'm writing this story.]

So back to small talk, while I usually hate it, what I can never ignore, is a question. She started asking me questions about things, like how to fix her computer or why something is happening. My first mistake was rapid-fire respond to her first text. Thank goodness for this bartending class ;) So I've just been absorbing myself into that, but this is going to be much harder than I thought. It's like the moment I told her that I won't put up with her mean side anymore, she not only gets rid of her mean side completely, she also doubles her good side and is in a sense afraid to loose me.... after I already broke up with her. Girls confuse me.

First I'd like to say that I f-ing rock.

2010-01-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

I just spent the last two hours figuring out how to tether my work laptop's internet connection to my desktop. The end result? I f-ing rock. Now normally, this would be nothing to brag about because it's supposed to be as simply as clicking "share internet connection" and then it's done. Supposed to be. As is my life, it was not, and I had to modify some shit in the registry and other fun things, the end result? I can type from my real computer once again and resume life like normal, kinda. It is slower than shit, but I'm still happy! =D

Now I'm going to watch an episode of Lost while I think about how to start my next blog post entitled "Girls Girls Girls... part 2. What?! There's a part 2? I'm surprised too."

Just a quick blog post.

2010-01-21T12:01:00.000-05:00

This is going to be sweet, short, and to the point, like a pointy small candy cane. Get it? Anyways, a very quick status update, I had a few ideas I wanted to type out and get some more laughs in, but i am just swamped with work/school right now. I recently started a Bar Tending class on Tuesday and needless to say it's awesome. it's intense though, it's from 6 to 10 every night and I need to study once I get home. Last night I speed home and started studying and when I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore I looked at my watch and it was mid-night already. But the stuff I'm learning! In two weeks, I will blow your mind with what I'll be able to do. What I mean to say is I'll make a damn tasty drink, provided I have a full bar behind me lol. Also Cosmo, yes, you know who you are, I think of you all the time during class because of the name I gave you. Well, that's all for now folks, I'll try to type up some stories I have lying around, but my head is being filled with all sorts of drinks right now, so that might hit the back burner. So excited!

Girls Girls Girls

2010-01-19T16:24:00.000-05:00

So here we go.

I used to date this girl for a little while, around 6 months actually, and we had a rather interesting relationship. I broke it off after a while because we really couldn't be together anymore due to our situation (god, what a fun break up that was!). Yes Sparks and Big Sis, that's the girl you're thinking of.

Well, we still kept in touch and she'd text me often and we'd talk. Which I didn't mind that much plus I felt bad about breaking up with her (which Big Sis was upset with that fact). Well, we kept talking and she essentially kept twisting my arm and getting me to feel bad for her such.

Now you're caught up. Well, recently she wanted to meet up and wanted a gift from me and told me to also give her the gift receipt (again Big Sis is not happy hearing that detail). So after turning something into nothing, I gave her an amazing gift while I got some small and not nearly as cool things from her and kissed her on her cheek.

Flash forward 2 days from there, I'm telling Big Sis this story and around every 5 seconds there's a disgusted look on her face or some choice words and after the 12th time, it finally sunk in that this is probably not the best sorta relationship I'm in. So after a night of ridiculous drinking I decided in my infinite wisdom that I need to tell her I'm not gonna be her punching bag anymore. This was at 3am, and just an fyi, this woman would go off on me for the smallest things, so this essentially was a slap, no, more like a punch in her face.

I awoke at around 1pm and didn't have any texts from her at all, which I found very odd.

I think it's at this point that I go back and quote exactly what I said to her. "You know, I'm sorry, I can't accept your texts when you're upset with me anymore." This was more so because I'm tired of her blaming me for a lot of things, plus I didn't want her to keep trying to bring me down. Example, she's upset with me for not texting her one night when she found out I was alone.

What does she come back at me with? At exactly 8pm, around 6 hours after I thought my words had pretty much ended our already ended relationship, ":-( I got into an accident today." "I got bruised ribs and went to the ER at my friends area. Nothing broken but it's hard to breath. My friend had to drive me home. The Car is totaled." Now, given everything, you'd think i'd of all people would be very worried and want to run to her or make her feel better or something. My initial response to her was "Oh? Car accident? That sucks, good luck." Since I'm not that much of a dick, I said "Oh, i'm sorry to hear that, i'm glad that you're at least okay." But for some reason, that extreme change, I can't tell if that was just quite possibly the shadiest way to make me feel for her due to the timing, really just did it for me. I pretty much stopped "caring" for her that moment. Granted not in the "I don't ever want to talk to you again" more of the "I don't care if you're mad, we're not together so you either deal with that or you stop talking to me, I'm not putting up with you anymore". So I still get texts from her, but they are not responded to in a timely manner, if at all, anymore.

-B

P.S. I have a more humorous story tonight if I can type it up in time after Bartending class. You know I love to keep this blog light hearted, there's a lot of shit going on out there, not need to come here and read more about it.

Car Wash Story!

2010-01-16T10:49:00.000-05:00

So the other day I was walking out to my car after work and I said to myself "man, my car is gross looking, I need a car wash." So i drove home to Beavercreek and stopped at the BP that's close to my place. Well, this place is always packed, it's like they're giving away free beer or something, I don't get it.

So I waited the customary 3 minutes to even get to a place to park my car and pump my gas. Once there I decided I'll use my card to pay for gas, at this point I had completely forgotten that I wanted a car wash. So I put in my card, and if you've ever used a card to pay for gas, you know it always asks you if you want a car wash. Normally, actually, always, I hit no because i'm annoyed everytime it comes up, but this time, this time I said "Yes! I would love a car wash!" And then I hit the button because talking to the gas pump did nothing for me, and it made me look a bit odd.

Well, the moment I say yes and start to pump my gas, I just happen to look behind me at the car wash station and see 4 cars in line and think to myself "well, shit, that's annoying, oh well, I have my car book (a book a keep in the car and read when I get bored / have to wait somewhere) so I'll put it to use.

After I have made up my mind to wait behind these 4 cars, I'm digging in my pocket for the receipt to find my car wash code, I drive behind the gas station. The moment I get the receipt out and look up, I yelped out loud. (Not so much of a scream, more of a gasp). The gas station had hidden the other 12 cars in line for a car wash. To myself I was annoyed, I mean who waits 12 cars deep?? I was so frustrated at this point and annoyed that I decided to scan my receipt to see if there's any way out of this. And then I saw the magic words "Car wash code good for 30 days." HAHA, bye bye suckers! You fools wait in line while I drive home and come back when it's not crowed! Those were the words I shouted to them as I drove by, but since I had my windows up and Lady Gaga playing pretty loud, I really, again, just talked to myself out loud. Eh, I still have 27 days to get my car washed and I didn't waste an hour in line.

-Bubbles

Late Blog Post 2

2010-01-12T19:16:00.000-05:00

The following posts are from last night. I didn't have my laptop and couldn't upload them, so here they are un-edited. I actually don't remember them that well lol, so enjoy =)

Blog Post 2!

So this is Brandon's Rant?/Update/I have no idea, just a drunken ramble Blog.

I almost broke down and sent Big Sis an e-mail. The gist of it was I was scared about the future and also seriously pissed off at my boss Squirel for trying to change me.

So I have this thing where pretty much, I don't look back. I use this idea when it comes to my life, but more importantly, and why I bring it up, is because when I type, my feelings has been expressed. As in real life, when you express your feelings you can't take them back, so I feel the same way with my words when i type. This basically means, even if I don't like an idea, once I type it, it usually stays.

Always weigh what I got agaisnt what I left
So progress report, I am missing you to death.

So follow those thoughts, the above two lines are lyrics from a song. The person in mind, of lately is... wow, I have no name for her. But Big Sis and Spakle, you know who I am talking about. Yeah, oh well, I'll take care of myself, just sharing my thoughts.

On a similar note I think that I'm going to actively cut out Man Eater from my life as well as just let me and Photoshop's relationship "Let It Die." (Google Foo Fighters). Ha, she was the last girl to break my heart. Part of me says that's it's a horrible idea to just leave Photoshop behind because we'd be great for each other [sober pause, we really would be] but that same person talking wants to chase he down all over again and I'm done chasing her. She dosen't care to even walk after me while I'm willing to chase after her, that's never going to be a good relationship, cough, *viginity story girl*, cough.

Late Blog Post 1

2010-01-12T19:14:00.000-05:00

The following posts are from last night. I didn't have my laptop and couldn't upload them, so here they are un-edited. I actually don't remember them that well lol, so enjoy =)

Blog Post!

So this is the disclaimer. I enjoy my job, it's not terrible, I wish i was working at UD, but I am growing to like what I do. So I just wanted to keep an honest eval of what's going on.

I can't stand this kid I work with, Lego. Obviously since I'm drunk my words are more harsh and real and well honest, there's now sugar coating that I normally do for folks since I see past their bullshit in an instant. But Lego pisses me off. He's growing to be the new Princess. (Big Sis that's the lady you care nothing for, if you still don't get it, think Star Wars, if you're still lost I'll tell you in person). It's amusing because he's not always bad, but this kid fucking gets under my skin, he does everything i can't stand.

One thing on my mind is that he talks. No, not your normal "Hey, how you doing?" No, this fucker gets out of his car and greats me with "YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!" and his jolly grin on his face. Now please don't get me wrong, I don't mind that sentence normally, i mean of course I'd expect it from those I don't work with / know me. Also, let's keep in mind, that it's 6:50 am. Nuff said. Every morning I'm like, "FUCK WHY WON'T THIS KID SHUT THE HELL UP!" but what I actually say to him is "uggh", which is as close to "yes" as I want to say to him.

Friends, keep this in mind, every joke has a hint of truth. It's what I live my life by and might even be my next tattoo. The only thing is, sometimes when jokes fly, it's the measurement that changes, sometimes a dash (or even a "pinch" as Vulgar Vixen was called on New Years, hooray for inside jokes! =)) or sometimes a spoonfull.

Well Lego, outside of as crawling under my skin because a few things, has crawled under my skin because he's a racist. Not all out "kill and rape those who aren't white" rapist. No, he's trying to keep his true feelings and ideas close to home. This idea that I'm trying to type about I just realized is seriously complex. It boggles my drunken mind, the sublety is what is diffuclt. Here's an attempt. Lego talks, but he brings in race when it's not needed. Example, there's a resturant near us and they serve the homeless sometimes. Lego was telling this, and he goes "Oh yeah Stanley*, the older black guy, he's really nice, he takes care of the local homeless people and helps them out a ton." That's cool and all, but him being black had no change on that sentence at all. It's those subtle things that tick me off, my situation is actually very very similar to a battered wife's story, esentially I'll blow up on this kid one day because of annoying shit like this. But second disclaimer, things like this don't happen that often anymore, if we give each "racist" siuation the value of 5, in the past month, we've had 12.3 (out of 100) on the racist meter.

That happened today so it's on my mind, but what really bothered me, is [guy who I can't think of a name for since I don't talk to him that often] went to lunch with us and said :"so Brandon, did you get a chance to wear any of your hats out this weekend?" [fyi, I have a driver's had (aka a "Bill Cosby" hat and a Hawaiian Hat in my car. Yeah, be jealous.] and I said "Actually yeah, I wore my driving hat this weekend. We went to a few bars and I was DD." and Lego responded "WHAT?!?!?! YOU???? WERE DD?" In my head I said "Yes i was DD fuck face, I fucking can't stand you and I'm so annoyed right now I could punch you in the face. Don't look at me the rest of lunch." What came out was "Yeah, I was." But typing that line doesn't give it justice. You should read that line as if it were dripping with hatred and disgust, like I'm saying, if you could pick those words up, they would slip out of your hands and you'd wipe them on your pants. Like, if there was a temperature assoicated with words, these would be at around 5 Kelvin (Sparks, that was for you ;) ) I guess the point got across because he didn't make anymore fucking horribly cheesy jokes to me for the rest of lunch, or well, really talk to me. Which was just fine with me.

So you see why each joke is pretty much a glimpse into your life? And you also see why Lego's jokes let me know why I actually can't stand his real self. Also, the * means I don't know his real name, that's just one I made up. From now on, any real name you read is made up, I'm tired of staring them and having to remember to type these lines.

I feel like I owe you this =D

2010-01-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

After cleaning and drinking for the past 4-5 hours, I was growing tired and debating going to bed, but then I remembered I had this laptop and I said "No!". The no was for many reasons, but one of them was because I felt that I had an obligation to leave you guys a story, plus I wanted you guys to remember I still exist =)

Onwards! Lego, a guy I work with, I've mentioned him previously, is an extreme homophobe. Like, I'm talking gays even walk in the same room, he tenses up. When I mentioned I went to a gay club, this kid almost struck me with a cross. Well, keeping this in mind, me and 4 other guys went to eat lunch. Two were up front, and 3 were in back, me and Lego included. This was not a large car by any means, it was smaller than my Honda I drive, so it was a tight fit. What do i do? Since I'm sitting in the middle, and knowing Lego is a huge homo-phobe, I "accidently" keep bumping my leg into his. The first time, he didn't do anything and I moved back slowly, I mean, it was a big bump, I'm sure it was an accident. Right? Next little bump, I hit his leg and let it linger "oh my bad." Next little bump I graze his leg and leave mine there while talking to another guy as if I didn't even notice, and he scoots even closer to the door, which gains him around .5 inches from my leg. We truly were squeezed into car. It's on.

So for the next 20 minutes back to work, I played it cool, but I kept bumping/grazing/rubbing his leg with mine, all on accident and talking to other people just so he knew I wasn't do it on purpose and further throwing off everything. It was f-ing hilarious watching him trying to scoot out of the way, but you know, I somehow found a way to stretch my leg to meet his. At one point I was almost spread eagle and he didn't say anything, but I could see him sweat.

During the last 30 seconds of our drive, I made the false comment that I had to pee, and then in my head I said: Whoa! Another small bump! Whoops! My leg hit yours buddy! You don't mind do you? Nah you don't, right? Of course in real life I just looked the other way, but remember how I "had" to pee? Well, since I wanted to kick it up a notch, I decided to the "leg twitch/leg bounce". If you're at a desk and you have to pee, sometimes you'll let you leg bounce on the ball of your foot and just kinda spring up and down really fast. Well, that's what I did up against Lego's leg and I could feel him squirm, he was dying, I actually laughed at loud and had to play it off on the other guys poor joke.

Needless to say, when we pulled up to work, Lego jumped out of the car before we even stopped moving and walked away from me.

I think it's safe to say, my work here is done.

Guess what I got.... =D

2010-01-07T15:50:00.000-05:00

Internet! Kinda. lol. What I actually got was a work computer with a verizon access card. So I can do the light stuff like browse and check my e-mail and keep in touch with you peeps, but I can't do my major downloading. Which is actually a good thing, I need to watch what I have, but the most important part, you guessed it, I get to blog!!!!

First thing's first, XBMC is damn nice, like very very damn nice. Grab it if you plan on having a media center.

Second thing, I got to work from home today, since it's apparently going to shit snow all day, we left at noon (they left at noon) we are working from home today. I left at one to wrap up a few things. This whole working from home thing is nice, I get to work in an environment i enjoy and watch tv and such while I get stuff done.

So my life up until now. I graduated and then dropped off the face of the earth with a few random updates from Big Sis's when I was fortunate enough to stay there. This is to fill in those gaps. I had a part-time job I held while I was still in school, so I was essentially working two jobs, yeah, it's as fun as it sounds. Well, after I graduated I lost my main job because I was no longer an employed student so i worked full time hours at my part time job. During this time I realized I don't like this job as much as I thought I would. The people I work with aren't my type of people and that's kinda killing my work vibe, but it's not all bad, it's just around a C+ / B- as far as jobs go. But what I really want is my old job back, that was fun and I enjoyed it and I could do it well. Well long story short, I went full time at my part time place and I'm still waiting to hear back from my student job.

Why did i drop off the face of the world? Because I had no internet. I still haven't paid for it because that costs a lot of money I don't have. And money I won't have for a while. But at least I have a work computer to help me out now, that way I can blog! (even if I don't like this job lol.)

Ah, that felt good. I'm sure you'll get a drunken post that might even tell a funny tale later tonight.

Toodles friends!

*O0oBubbleso0O*

* <- equals the bubbles popping! Get it?? =D

Btw, Sparks, Your Sister is Crazy.

2010-01-03T01:10:00.000-05:00

She greeted me with a shot, it was horrible. But I took it and smiled, man, what a night. You know what, what a night, I wish I could turn this fan off, but whatever, I have a beer and internet, god what a faboulous life they life.

Ass-hat is a popular term tonight, and the funny part is, I never causes any of the terms tonight.

Oh wells, I was trying to add on.... wow, this fan is really cold. Like seriously, I am shivering. Please turn it off.

Whateves, you know, at the end of the day, I gotta say, I love my life, and I will pass off whatever work I have to live my life within the next 3 weeks. Take care friends =)

-Brandon

P.s. Sparks, you were missed and also she is still crazy. I do not like taking random shot glasses she gives me, they don't end well.

Sparkle Where are you!?

2010-01-03T00:57:00.001-05:00

My oh my, tonight I really upset Big Sis and her spouse: The Myth, The Man, and The Legend. Well, here's my day, I spent all day just cleaning up my main hard drives and just chilling. At around 5 I realized I was hungry and I said, let's cook some food Brandon. And I did!

Well, while I cooked and waiting around all day, I watched "Alice 2009" good times friends, I recommend it.

Also, for those of you concerned, while I may not want it, I have a certain full time job right now.

Back onwards as to why big sis is serisously pissed off. As you know, Christmas rolled around recently and boy was it joyus for most (I was not included). But regardless it happened. BUT, I also wanted to share my thanks to those I cared about and so I wished my Big Sis and "The Myth, The Man, & The Legend" a great Christmas and New Years with a giftcard. Turns out, they were upset of this giftcard, partly because I gave it to them, mainly because it was a hundred dollars. Apparently you shouldn't do that when you are kinda (seriously) in debt. Whateves.

The bottom line is, they had a great time and I also have a beer and a shot (really that's all you bought me???) and it was fun. I wish I could do it again =).

I am happy with those I am growing up now. They help me out and make me feel better than what I could become.

Sleep well friends! I will have internet within the end of Feburary, likely before then, but I need to stagger it between paychecks.

-Bubs.

P.S. Shit, by the way, where are you Sparkles!!! I haven't seen from you in a while, do know that I hope all is well =)

So I Made A Fire Last Night

2009-12-31T09:24:00.000-05:00

I stopped by my apartment admin office and the only time I don't care if someone is in, they are throwing a party of some sort, just my luck. Not like all the other times when I've left 3 messages to talk to someone and walked by only to find it locked and no one in sight. Well, i stroll in and spoke to the secretary who I have also never seen before and is actually a young attractive female as opposed to the Grandma who's been handling everything before. I'm kinda wondering what's going on, but whatever, I needed some wood for my fireplace because I wanted to build a fire tonight. I've got a fireplace, let's put this baby to use.

Wrong Move #1 - Don't assume you can stroll in and get wood from the front desk.
She tells me I need to call in and then people will drop it off at my doorstep. Which is pretty awesome, but requires me to plan ahead or just call and get 5 bundles and keep a stockpile inside my apartment. I'll worry about this issue later.

Wrong Move #2 - Don't assume you know which Speedway she is talking about.
She then tells me if I am desperate for wood I can drive to Speedway "down the street". I drove to 2 Speedway's near me until I found one that actually sold firewood. I just spent 30 minutes driving to get a $5 dollar bundle of wood, not too sure if it was worth it.

Wrong Move #3 - Don't assume that little "shit" log is garbage.
That little thing with the bundle of firewood is not garbage, it is in fact your firestarter, do not throw it away no matter how tempted you are.

Wrong Move #4 - Don't just throw the logs in your fireplace expecting a huge fire.
They need air apparently, and lacking fireplace tools leaves you either using your hands or just staring at a pathetic fire.

Wrong Move #5 - Don't leave your chute closed.
So when you're staring at your fire and you notice that smoke is coming out at you and starting to build in the corners of your apartment, don't sit there and wonder why this is happening while the flames get larger. Instead open up your chute before the fire is started.

Take a note from Brandon, don't follow those wrong moves and you will have a successful fire. Also, Speedway's tend to sell firewood if you can't think of where to buy it or don't know someone to steal it from.

-Brandon "I need f-ing internet now!" Nelson

The life and times of Brandon Nelson

2009-12-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

This blog is going to be hard to update seeing as how I lack an internet connection. My goal is to crack into my neighbors wireless internet. Then I'll be surfing and able to update my blog at random. Take care until then friends!

P.s. if you don't follow me on Twitter, feel free to. I've been told I'm amusing and sometimes I might even make you laugh. My SN is "ThaMuzikGuy" just like my AIM name. Take care friends.

I'm all moved over -- Moving weekend part 1.

2009-12-21T14:28:00.000-05:00

So I got all moved into my last place on Sunday at 4ish. I promptly ate my first meal at Chipotle, and then drove over to Best Buy to buy a tv stand. After debating over which one to get, I finally settled on one and took it back and spent around an hour setting it up. While I putting the middle layers, I held it up and said jokingly, "haha, only an idiot could put this on backwards." Yeah, guess who put it on backwards? Welcome to my life.

Anyways, I get the stand all setup, i get the tv on it, and then my plan is, since i don't have cable, to start watching all the shit i download. Well, to cut this long story short, I ended up having to dig through every bag i packed neatly (which took around 30 minutes) to dig up all these cables I didn't think I'd need.

But on to this longer story. Remember how I call my computer The Redhead? If not you're up to speed, I'm going to say my Drobo is her cousin, or as I have affectionately called her, Ginger. Well, true to their names, we had some fun love/hate battles going. It always starts out with hate and annoyance, but then we make up and make out. I joke, just wanted to see if you were paying attention, i do not make out with my computer, that's just weird. But we always end on a happy note.

So TV is all setup, I'm pumped, i put my PS3 on, I play some Ratchet and Clank and it's all good. It looks stellar, man it's amazing. And then i say to myself "man, I love talking to myself, but also, I need to hook my computer and drobo up to watch some of my tv shows." And then the nightmare started. First I hook up my computer, and turn it on without any problem, and then I login and it's great, i can't get sound, but that's because i don't have any sound cables, duh, i forgot them. As I'm digging in a box for the sound cable I hear this "whhrrrr" of powering down electronics and turn around to notice my computer has shut itself off. That's odd I remark to myself.

I walk over with the sound cable, and try to turn on my computer. Nothing, well shit, what a way to start my new life. Since it's just my computer that's dead and not the hard drive I'm just annoyed with her, not upset. So i say screw it and get the drobo, and then plug it in, and it just sits there. No boot up or anything. Seriously??? So i sit down, and keep my head on my shoulders this time, and think logically about this ~~fucked up~~ situation. I changed outlets on the surge protector and then The Redhead turns on, and then I unplug and re plug in Ginger and then after a very very long 8 minutes, she finally goes live also.

What a night.

Sorry friends, it might not be awhile until another update.

2009-12-18T14:02:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of trying to find a job and also trying to pay for internet (and also cable/internet) so until that happens, take care friends. If you want to know my mindset, imagine a girl getting a first kiss from the boy she loves. Then imagine her getting married to that guy, yeah, it's that good. life is good =)

Take care friends, I love you all, and yes I mean that because I like to say what I mean, I will be enjoying the next few days =D.

Hahahahahaha, I'm done!!!!!111!!!!oneone!!!!!111one1!!

-Bubs

That blog sucked, and I'm sorry

2009-12-17T00:42:00.000-05:00

Big sis's words. Yes, that's it.

Alright, tonight is the first multi-person post! Let's do this.

Big Sis: Sausage seeds are very funny to her.

Brandon: Hello!
BigSis!: Hi there....
Brandon: this may take a while, this will certainly be funny right? family guy is still on friends!
Brandi: [after the annoying little homo spoke]: well, this blog post won't make up for the last despite her words ;)

oh well friends, maybe I'll sorry, this failed again, even worse than the last time. Big Sis has ruined the typing that I would let out to the world. Oh Well. Hopefully you enjoy this "post"

I'm almost done bitches, I mean kids!

2009-12-16T22:51:00.000-05:00

Haha, remember when i said that? Yeah, I did.

So I saw sparkle today! When I saw her, it was so "I know you at first sight!"

So today I went to b-dubs with big sis and The Myth, The man, and The Legend. You decide if those are 3 people or less, or maybe more! Well, I saw Sparkle, guy who I don't have a nickname for yet, and Sparks's kids. Cute little buggers. I like them alot.

Btw, sparks, I saw the sparkles on your eyelids ;)

Well onwards, some would say, is that how sparkle got her name? No, it's not, that's a story I might tell another day, but it's not even much of a story.

Family guy is awesome!

Back to finals, gods, this is hard to type when Big Sis turned on Family Guy, well, here goes. I will try to focus, all is lossed!

I will say more tomorrow friends. Take care and enjoy buddies.

Abstractions

2009-12-13T23:36:00.001-05:00

Whenever I talk about people in my blog, i give them an alias or as I prefer to call it a "handle". The word handle sounds more bad-ass to me. Moving on, thinking of this, I began to let my mind on a "controlled wander", that is, I limited my relevant thoughts to only 1 degree of freedom while still allowing myself to lower my mental blocks and wander in the head of Brandon.

After doing this for a bit, I settled on a topic I didn't think I would, but of course to me it makes logical sense.

Songs that I have been playing non-stop:
Halestorm - Get Off
Jay-Z - Run This Town
Anberlin - Feel Good Drag

Also, here's a check-list to see if you're good for Brandon to date:
old Brandon, aka PS (aka PV) Brandon:
   1.) Have you broken my heart?
   2.) Have you neglected me in anyway?
   3.) Was I aware of this neglect and still "forgave" you when you realized how good I was actually and took you back in?
If you answered yes to any of those, then we would have been perfect for each other!

new Brandon, aka AS (aka AV) Brandon:
   1.) Do I seem perfect?
   2.) Would you like to confess your undying love for me?
   3.) Would you like to build a fantasy world that I could never live up to and in turn have me ending up and breaking your heart simply because reality kicked in and I could never live up to dream you had envisioned?
   4.) Along with making me the bad guy for doing the sensible thing?
   5.) Have you cried over me?
If you answered yes to any of those we'd be perfect for each other now!

new/old Brandon, aka wtf do I do?:
   1.) Have you broken my heart?
   2.) Would you like to confess your undying love for me?
   3.) Have you neglected me in anyway? And was I aware of this neglect and still "forgave" you when you realized how good I was actually and took you back in?
   4.) Have you cried over me?
If you answered yes, then I am truly at a loss at how to handle you. If you fit those criteria, then you will run circles in my head and make me question every move I make around you, I'll walk on eggshells and go crazy wishing I could get these feelings I can't control out of me because they don't fit with the rest of my life. (Yet deep down I'm thrilled that someone can still bring these feelings out of me, I love the fact I'm uneasy around this person and that I actually have no idea what's going to come out of their mouth next, the unknown is what draws me in because with this person things are new and foreign, they are, real.)

Back to abstractions, if for no other reason, simply because I don't have nice end for my above thoughts. Let me scroll up to see what I was even talking about. Ah, I have a faint idea of where I was going.

So for the second time ever, I deleted a paragraph because I realized it sucked. Trust me, it did, you would have glazed over and maybe even fallen asleep at the keyboard trying to read it. Basically, abstraction is a great way to model real life problems in computer code, but that concept is also a great way to "distance" yourself from real people. While that last line was no where near as smooth as I would have liked, it gets the idea across. When I use the handle Sparkle, I joke, that's really her name to me, I often have to ask Big Sis who [insert Sparkle's real name] is when she says it. But when I talk about Spiderman, and use Spiderman rather than his real name, there's a layer between us now. So that few people know who I'm talking about, but at the same time you can understand and (hopefully) enjoy the story.

Enjoy friends!

Finals Week... and I only kinda care.

2009-12-13T21:28:00.000-05:00

So it's finals week for me and thus my last week in college and let me tell you, I am itching to get out. I should be studying right now, but i don't particularly care. I mean my final is on Tuesday so I'm not that bad, but still it's pretty bad. It's also amusing because I am doing questionably well in my CPS class. Like, I am nervous about my grade in there, and I still have to do a hw I don't understand. Story time!

In the begining of the semester I strolled into my CPS class (Logic Design) and sat down next to this asian kid, Spiderman. Spidey fits every profile of the awkward foreign exchange asain kid. He's got the broken english, he's got the fashion sense that isn't quite there, and he wears glasses and nods alot. But Spiderman is a great guy, I'm not trying to pick on him, it's just funny how well he fits the sterotype.

Anyways, on our first day I sit down and say hi to him and he nodes and mummbles "Hi." and that was our conversation for that day. Over the next few weeks we slowly build our conversations up and conversation, I always speak a bit louder than necessary and use more basic sentence structures to help him out and his english is actually quite good once he works up the courage to talk to you. Our friendship is building.

Well, he asked me one day after work if he could have my number so I could help with some computer issues. Turns out his "issue" was that he wanted to take apart a laptop and sell it online. Well, after taking it apart for him he said he's "going to let his friends sell it for him." This kid made $250 dollars off of a dead laptop by scrapping it out. Surprise #1.

Well, more time passes and we take our first test. The next day we have class our teacher puts the average grade on the board, 56/100. Awesome. I get my test it's a 59, eh, oh well. Spiderman gets his test, it's a 92, he was the highest grade in the class. Surprise #2.

On our second test, Spidey scores a 99 and one of his proofs was so good that it was better than our teachers. So good in fact, our teacher used it as the grading rubric. Surprise #3.

All in all, Spidey's been a good guy and while we haven't hung out, he's getting clutch award of the month because of this. I have this CPS hw that i'm debating not doing because I don't understand which means I need to ace my final in order to pass the class. Well, I just e-mailed Spidey asking to meet, instead he says he can't meet but instead will send me his code to help me out. Jawsome! This kid quite possible has saved my CPS grade and allowed me to graduate.

Such is the life of Brandon, I guess it all works out. Maybe I should treat my job situation with the same attitude.

P.S. Having a greasy face is not as cool as you would think.

Is this a tripple post night? I think it is!

2009-12-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

Well, it won't be much, just my twit update, but I wanted to share it with my blog since my twits aren't carried over here. Without further notice, here it is:

If I were to quote one Rihanna, with the help of Big Sis

"Victory's within the mile
Almost there, don't give up now"

Thank you =)

Wow, I am truly sorry about the lack of posts, I'll double it up tonight!

2009-12-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

Sparkle, Big Sis, don't be afraid to comment =) This post is a medium of thoughts and acts and daily life musings.

Gods, caramel is very, very, chewy.

Anyways, when forced to talk about something I..... my roomate is playing Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and man it's a fun game to watch.

I texted Photoshop again, it's getting easier to talk/think about her, probably because I am not actually around her physically, but eh, such is my life. I have had some very very interesting events occur that I would never had guessed would happen in my life. But since I don't regret anything in my life, I have to say... I don't regret what's happened.

In the area of moving, I'm almost all moved in, I'm going to do a final "small things" drive over tomorrow I think. Maybe 2 more drives, to get everything that will fit in my car over. After that it's either talk to someone with a truck or wait till Friday when my parent's show up. Gods, what a thought, I'll be done with school in a week, provided I pass all my classes, which only one of them scares me. But you know what they say, live your life as if failure wasn't an option. And that's what I'm going to do for this one week, I'm going to give it my all, my last hurah, huurrah, hurrah, hoorah, htf do you spell that phrase?, and try and go out with a bang. Because I still want to try and get that B average.

In other news, my drobo is doing alright. I started to copy things off in a nervous panic, but I got tired of waiting the 8 hours for every copy to finish, so I kinda stopped, I hope I don't kick myself in the butt for that.

On my ending note, I'd like to note my band of the moment, BOTM, which is Anberlin.

This is to make up for last night.

2009-12-11T21:13:00.000-05:00

I had a good idea in my head, but I've been sad/bugged recently (my job situation was part of the issue) so I didn't want those feelings to creep into the post and give it an melancholy undertone.

Other news! Today I'll tell the story of Brandon giving a girl his number.

My buddy Darth Tater turned 23, and to celebrate we went out to Dave and Busters. First off, if you have never been and have around $200 you didn't mind blowing, go for it. Or in my case it was, if you have never been and don't have $200 to blow, but the next day you realized you did. Regardless of your situation, Dave and Busters is awesome. It's chuckie cheese for grown ups.

Bear with my, my fingers are literally frozen because my house holds no heat, but I'll do my best to type out correct words, hopefully this beer doesn't get in the way. Onwards with the story!

After i get my hoodie!

Well, after having been driven there, I was like "game on." and Shit got real. Sometimes I amaze myself with my drinking abilities. But let me slow this story down, i want it to last.

We showed up and greeted Tater and promptly bought him a beer. And I got myself my staple, what people know me by, Blue Moon. I like to say it's heaven in a glass. After we got our drinks, we played. o.m.g. that place is fun. We ran around like drunken fools who would normally get arrested in public, but at D&B's it's normal so it's cool.

One of the sever's was a girl, who was not even that attractive, which i think is what allowed me to work up the courage to do this, that or the "7" beers I had. (7 because it was a giant mug thingy which held around 2 beers actually). Well, I had been flirting with her all night and when I had to close my tab, I decided to leave my number on the second receipt they usually give you. I normally throw it out, so why not put it good use?

After I closed my tab, I walked away looking for D.T. and his posse and then just chilled with them while they rounded up everyone. As I'm standing there, I feel my phone vibrating and I'm like, what? a call? who calls me at 2:30 am? So i go to answer it, guess who it is? Darth Tater who's right next to me and was too drunk to realize I was standing right next to him.

Whatever, so i poke fun at him and then we wait some more while the random search parties went out for the missing people. Just tossing this in there, drunk search parties are the funniest thing to watch. If you have a group of 12, normally 3 will leave to find whoever is missing. What happens? Only 2 come back, meaning now 2 people are "missing". It was amusing to watch for a bit and then my phone vibrates again. This time, you guessed it, it was Bartender lady. Damn, this girl is bold, I'll answer, because I have liquid courage running through my veins.

"Hello, this is Brandon."
"Hi Brandon, this is Vicky*"
"Hi Brandon, you left your number at the bar."
[My thoughts: My hands sweat, I'm wondering how in the hell I got so drunk (maybe 7 beers?) and trying to pretend I'm decently sober so I can carry a conversation if I need to with this girl]
"Yeah, I did."
"Yeah, well, um, this is a bit awkward...."
[My thoughts: Really chic? Yes this is, partly because I can't take two steps without trying to balance on something, partly because I never thought you call me, partly because I secretly wanted you to call me, but like, tomorrow, or the day after when I'm sober and smooth. Not drunk and what appears smooth but is really akin to tripping up stairs, that's another story for another time.]
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, your tab, you didn't actually pay the right amount."
[Shit. Wait, what?]
"Shit. Wait, what?"
"You're tab was 168.74 and you only paid 135.45 on the receipt."
"Oh, haha, well, I see, I'm still here so I can come fix that."
"Thanks, that'd be great."
[I think she's still into me.]

* Her name isn't Vicky, I honestly can't remember her name, so my rule of name changing doesn't apply, but i wanted the story to flow.

So i go to sign my bill, again. And what a fun exchange of words, actually it wasn't that bad because I was very drunk so I ran up to the bar smiling like a fool, if you know me, you know the smile. If you've seen me drunk, you really know the smile ;) and Said "Sorry about that!" and she smiled at me, a bit flirty if you ask me, printed out a new one, I asked her to confirm it while I was there, and then walked away laughing to myself about how terribly awkward that was, but at the same time how i didn't notice because I was drunk.

Now, I know what you're asking yourself, Brandon? Why didn't you totally creep on her and call her back tomorrow night when you were sober and feeling great? Why didn't you just go back to D&B's and try to meet her in person? The reason I didn't? Because I wanted this story to end there. While this is quite possibly the best story a couple could share as a way they meet, I didn't want that. I wanted a funny story to tell others, that and she lived 45 minutes away and while I like driving, she'd have to be ridiculously hot for me to want to go that far on the off chance I might be able to see her let alone even try and date her.

Yup, this story just kinda fits with my life, but hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, others are more than willing too. I think that's how the phrase goes, or is it? Whatever, point being, the moral is, make sure to pay your tab fully, unless it's part of your plan to have the girl (or guy) call you back that night when you're too drunk to pretend to act sober.

It feels like it's been so long since I last wrote.

2009-12-07T21:21:00.001-05:00

Let's do this.

I saw two birds having sex the other day. On my way to class, on the sidewalk like it was a private room, was one bird shrieking. I didn't think anything of it until as I got closer and he flew away, there was another bird underneath it. They flew away around 5 yards in front of me and then started to have sex again. I still had to walk to class and felt bad about being an interspecies cock-block, but I mean c'mon, you could have chosen some place a bit less traveled. Like how about a tree perhaps? Or hell, just 15 feet over in the front yard. One needs to keep these logistical issues in mind when looking for a place to have sex outdoors. A good tip is though, sidewalks are not the best place.

*O0oBubbleso0O*

It's very easy to finish a bottle of wine.

2009-12-06T01:21:00.001-05:00

Much more easier than I thought. I buy the "big" bottles and just live with it. I've come to realize, a) wine gets me sleepy drunk much much faster than beer or pills which is awesome. I can't remember b) this is my first truly drunk post so you will be introduced to the Brandon Wander.

I mean, all I want to know is who runs this town? Can someone tell me? Ah, I guess for now it's Photoshop.

Jay-Z released a new album, The Blueprint 3, and it's very much worth it.

Insomnia is no where near as awesome as it sounds, for me at least. I can't stand this shit. Outside of seeing a doctor, all I know is to drink or take "sleeping pills" which are the same effect as a hangover when I wake up. So I am still forced to choose between pills or booze, I usually choose booze because much more interesting things happen with booze than pills.

My phone annoys me.

This Jay-Z album is fantastic, go out and get it. If you are Sparkle or Big Sis, you will get links tomorrow in your e-mail. Anyone else, toss me an e-mail.

I'm done guys, I'm starting to fall asleep in my chair. I'll have another post shortly. I almost feel like I should sign my posts. So I will, I'll reuse a previous sig.

-Bubbles

(Big Sis, when I mention this, your Screen Shot of me will be the post picture and also my profile picture,)

What a weekend...

2009-12-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I worked up the courage / was extremely foolish and texted Photoshop. I texted her all night two weekends ago and then we finally met up last night. We shared a few drinks and talked.

In other news, I had the scare of my life today. As I'm cleaning up my room, I kid you not, I bumped into my surge protector and took down my computer, the internet for downstairs, and the focus of this story, my drobo. Needless to say, I'm like, "Shit, damn that sucks, but it's RAID technology, so I'll turn it on and life will be good." Let me tell you, life was not good, life was far from good. When I turned it back on, my drobo didn't fully "turn on". It only lit up half of the lights, and there were no hard drive lights on. After doing some googling, i came up this guys site about his drobo problems. Let me tell this part as I was reading his page.

I'm skimming his site because it came up under my frantic google search for broken/dead drobo's. He's talking about it's nice to have because it uses RAID so he's not worried about his backups going away, blah, blah, wait, what? "When to be Scared". Interesting, let me read this paragraph. First part is true for me shit... Second part is true for me shit shit... "If this has already happened to you, there's not much you can do... reset button in the back will reset the drobo and clear your drives" shit shit shit fuck fuck shitfuck! Oh gods, this did not just happen? Oh gods.

So after reading this, and panicking (for those who don't know me very well, I don't panic, so that's just going to show you how distraught I was), I decided to pretend that this thing did not just turn into a $400 dollar paper weight. I proceeded to unplug the power & usb cable in various ways, keep in mind you should never unplug your drobo suddenly because according to their site (I can't find the direct link now, sorry) not shutting down properly will cause the drobo essentially to not be able to turn on. First there's that, secondly, I just put another hard drive in, so it was mirroring my data across all the harddrives which means that my data was/is unprotected. Awesome. So right now, I have for all intensive purposes a $400 doorstop. Shit!

With this in mind I drove to arby's because I hadn't eaten yet and it was 4pm, and as I sat there, I began the coping part. I started to rationalize how i could start anew, and download everything all over again. I'd create a new clean file structure from the ground up. It wouldn't be that bad. And then I got home and said fuck that and struggled to get my data back. I'm not watching 3tb of information just dissappear. So what I did is I took all 4 hard drives out of the drobo (noting in which order I took them out), then turned on the drobo while having it connected to my computer. I then waited for it to fully boot up (btw, if your drobo doesn't do this then you have a bad drobo. Obviously contact their tech support, but from what I read, that's not a good sign at all). Then I turned it back off again, put all 4 hard drives back in, and prayed to Google. The lights came on and all appeared to be working well, except for the fact that I couldn't access it from my computer, well, after a restart all was in working order and I was able to take a deep breath.

So I'm struggling to stay checked in...

2009-12-04T10:46:00.000-05:00

But for all intensive purposes, it appears as if I've checked out.

My goal this last semester was to get a B average, something I've never done for any semester before and I was pretty serious about this goal. Well, lucky for me, I happened to have been taking some of the most study intensive classes ever, so this goal was made even harder. My Criminology class, who has PHG in it btw (more on her later), had me write 4 papers in 4 weeks, and not just regular papers, but research papers. My Econ course had hw due every tuesday and thursday which was annoying along with a quiz every monday and wednesday for my database course. Lastly I always had hw due in my logic design course, there wasn't a single day I wasn't turning something in. It was frustrating and annoying, but i persevered and didn't sleep much to get where I am now. I have A's in two classes and a very high B in another, my last one I have no idea, but I'm guessing very high C to middle B. The point is, it's making slacking off even easier.

Back to PHG. On the first day of any class, it's a pretty major day, it's where you choose where you will sit for the rest of the semester, your very viewing comfort and learning abilities are on the line. So whenever I walk into a classroom, I first scope out my seat and then if I feel up to it I look around and see who else is in the class. For Criminology I choose the second row of 7 and just sat down and faced forward. Well, around a week into class, I happened to glance to my right, and there is I kid you not, the hottest girl I've seen. Ever. She's a fiery redhead, which I'm an extreme sucker for, and funny and blah. What I'm getting at is that not only is she ridiculously hot, but she's also got a great personality, which makes her even hotter. After being around this other guy for a while, Lego, I'll talk about him in another post, and having Lego turn to me after every girl walked by and inform me that she was hot (sometimes he'd do it while she was still walking towards us), I realized that I can't just call her hot. The word hot has been tainted and doesn't describe how stunning this girl is, so i gave her the name of Phenomenology Hot Girl, or PHG. Yeah, she's that hot.

Which begs the question, "Brandon, if she's so hot, how come you didn't notice her for almost two weeks?" Good question self, the answer? I have no fucking idea. I basically have a greek goddess sitting next to me and I just pass her by like she didn't even exist. Sometimes I truly am blind.

Econ Class

2009-12-03T22:50:00.000-05:00

Today while i struggled to stay awake in Econ class, I decided to script my next blog post. I decided I would talk about the people that i look at to keep myself entertained and also because they stand out since they have... unique qualities.

First up is Blackhole. This girl on my left is average looking, cute when she smiles and overall is a nice girl I guess, we haven't talked once, but I assume she's nice. Well, she gets her lovely name because of her eyes, I always look at people's eyes for some reason, it's the first that draws me into a girl. Well this girls eyes are like bottomless pits. You have to watch yourself, the first time I looked into those bad boys I was stuck staring at her until she looked away and I realized 5 minutes had passed. It's errie I tell you! I'm scared to look in her direction now, but at the same time, her eyes are calling me. And it's not the good call either, it's the call where I'm afraid she might suck my soul out of me. I don't think she has an iris, that's probably what it is, plus her eyes are always wide. Creepy.

Next up is "guy in corner". I couldn't come up with a clever name for him lol. This kid just all around looks weird, but that's not why he made this list. No sir-ri bob. This guy makes the list because of his very creepy laugh. First off he looks werid, that's bad enough, but when our teacher makes a joke and guy in corner laughs, wow. Imagine a skinny kid with a long neck, and then a goofy sorta grin / he might cry any moment look. Now imagine a robot talking, "BEEP, MY NAME IS CIRCUT, BOOP". Now pretend that robot were to laugh "HAH, HA, HAH HA, HAH HA". Now put skinny guy and robot laugh together and you got guy in corner. That is also creepy, plus it's kinda hilarious, but only I noticed this, so I have to play it cool and act like I'm laughing at the teachers joke and not guy in corner.

Who knows what i'll think up next. Ideas? Topics you want explored?

Sad. (It's funny how quickly you can throw them down when you want to.)

2009-12-02T20:19:00.000-05:00

Rainy days and shitty times are the worst combination in my life, they affect me way way too much and lead too all sorts of emotional issues that I can't account for. It's like PMS from what I hear all of my females friends tell me of it. This is not cool. I actually tend to get disgustingly depressed and lost and loose the ability to care about much in regards of my own life, but at the same time I'm my same "care about the other person first" self, which is probably further exasperated by the fact I'm depressed in the first place.

I've been trying to figure out why i get so tweaked on rainy days and also how to deal with it, but it's hit or miss, essentially I can't have multiple bad things happen to me in one day and I'll be just fine, but one too many and it's like a landslide. Two "amusing" notes: 1) I love rainy days 2) There are rainy days that turn out just fine. I'll just have to chalk up the unexplainable events as... unexplainable.

In other news I'm going to be using aliases for everyone I talk about in this blog so that i can a) talk about everyone and say how i truly feel b) not start wildfires.

So on that note, while I haven't worked up the patience to talk about my sister, aka, Da Brat, I will tell another story about Man Eater. Man Eater (M.E. from now on) has every quality of a hot girl; she's skinny, pretty, nice eyes, dark auburn hair, funny, graceful, she can even dance, and I am not one iota attracted to her. Not in the least, which is amusing coming from me since I'm usually used to be the guy giving his heart to every girl he saw. But back to M.E., this girl is the girl your mom warned you about, but in person, she's waay hotter than you imagined and she's also way too innocent to be that girl to chew you up, right? Wrong. I've seen her mow through guys like grass and it's sad.

The reason I brought her up is because she's been on my mind a lot recently for a few reasons. One, that girls still flirts like there's no tomorrow... and she has a boyfriend of 7 months. Now not soo much with other guys, but alot with me, which irks me, alot. This girl will caress my face, kiss my temple/cheek, eskimo kiss me, grab my butt, and so on, all short of actual "physical" contact. This really bothers me, because it's in front of her b/f sometimes and also because it's a baby step away from making a mistake. A very very small baby step. I don't like it, and granted when I'm drunk, so all the time, it's easier to deal with but still I just meet her halfway or even less than that.

Two, Man Eater said for around the past 4 months how she was going to be at my graduation and how they were going to cheer for me and they'd be there for me since I'm graduating a semester behind them. Well, two days ago she called me up to see what I was doing for next weekend and said how her and her bf will be out of town on so and such date. That date just happens to be my graduation. So it's not like I took much stock in her word before, but I thought I could at least value her word on this topic, I guess not. The amusing part is how hard she pushed to let me know she'd be there for my graduation. A whole other topic is how it took her 6 weeks to "get into" my life, boy was she not pleased at all when she found out she couldn't break me. To the curious folk, she didn't break me, but I got tired of her saying snide comments so I spoke with her and fed a few truths with a bunch of lies to keep her happy, thus she felt like she won while i got her to shut up. Win - Win for everyone.

Thanksgiving break part dos. (That's spanish for two.)

2009-11-30T23:22:00.002-05:00

Alright guys, here's take two. So to catch you up, I left off at I drove past Best Buy at 4pm and saw 12 people in line for the black friday sales, the store opens the next day at 5am, yeah. [FYI, this is an ATF (After The Fact) edit, this blog post is long, on a scale of 1 to 10 I am guessing 8.98]

Well, after driving by, needless to say, I was disheartened for a few reasons: 1) I was hoping i could just show up at 2am-ish and just hop in line, it was clear this wasn't going to be the case. 2) It's the coldest day of the year thus far in Chicago, lovely, I get to wait outside in freezing cold for my tv and other items. But let's move on from those silly points, (the entire time I'm thinking the second part, all i can hear in my head is Brandi saying "Brandon, you don't need a tv right now.").

So I drove home and sat down on my couch, and started to do some deep thinking. Around 2 minutes later my sister came downstairs and started talking and I realized I was suddenly done with my deep thinking and suddenly felt the urge to leave the house suddenly, so I did. I drove over to my buddy Wes's and chilled their with his family until 9:30, then i made my mind up and said to myself, when else will I be able to go chill outside of Best Buy all night and not get arrested? And thus my mind was made up and I set out for Best Buy.

I arrived at 10:30pm people, and the 12 people I saw before had multiplied into around 60 people, again, not helping my spirits, and again I can hear Brandi trying her hardest not to laugh at me. You know my motto, time to nut up or shut up, so i pulled out my lawn chair and popped a squat.

My mindset walking into this was, if the doors open at 5 and shit hits the fan, I am leaving everything (and everyone) in a trail of tears and I will run to what I need. (I'm sorry lady, but you should have though twice about bringing your 2 year old, I'm sure his arm will grow back and they have plastic surgeons for cheap now a days.) So with this in mind I took our crappiest lawn chair, a nalgene bottle of coffee and a book to read. I had on my winter coat and some thing driving gloves to keep my fingers warm.

Believe you me, it was fucking cold. As I sat down, I was a badass, coat unzipped, legs spread open like I was chillin on my couch at home, with a look in my eyes like "fuck off guys, I don't even know what cold is, I'm starting to sweat. Go a head and huddle in your blankets pansies." Around 5 minutes later I zipped up my coat realizing how stupid I was, around 2 hours later (Midnight) my fingers were too numb to turn the pages and the cold was starting to seep into my bones. I'm sorely wishing I had listened to my mom about taking a blanket with me (but in the back of my mind I'm still happy I didn't just in case the doors open and I need to jean claude van damme my way to my shit) and also listening to the people next to me to keep my mind occupied.

So I listen in to the people next to me, let me first describe them. First the asian on my left, when I went to sit down, I put my chair down and I asked him "is anyone else coming to join you? Is this enough room?" He responded with "Hello" in broken english. (reminds me of someone....). So needless to say, that was the end of our conversation. On my right there were two guys who were around 18-19 and, well, pretty much every stereotype about guys right out of high-school. They were loud and juvenile and smoked weed (at least told stories of it, they didn't that night). Well, the people on their right were this couple around 35 years old. And the wife, as they were setting up camp, was talking about what they were in line for and she goes "yeah, I'm in line for this camcorder [pointing it out in the add]. Yeah, we can't have kids until I get this." In my head I'm thinking, really now? So if I am following you, you need something to record every moment... like even the act of making the kid?... The high-school kids, whether out of naivety or kindness just laughed and kinda left it at that, but her husband was like "you know, you shouldn't phrase it like that, it makes it sound like we need it to make wild sex tapes." Which made everyone laugh and she clarified and said how she wanted to film every aspect of her kids lives, after conception.

Boy this is getting long, sorry to make you guys read so much, next post will be much shorter. Well, they talked the entire night while i tried to read, but realized I couldn't because it was so fucking cold my fingers wouldn't bend anymore. So what did i do? I sat with my hands under my butt and just meditated and thought. The cruel part was I kept farting, that wasn't bad, but when my nose started to run i just used my gloves to wipe my nose, but my gloves smelled of my fart (cue Brandi laughing).

Then things go interesting, there's the un-written rule that once you leave your spot in line, it's fortified. You need someone to take your place or it's game over buddy, well, at 2am, I realized I might have to pee. It was a bit of my mind playing tricks on me since I knew I couldn't pee / I really did had to go. Well, you know my motto, so I gritted my teeth and said I came to far, it's see this through.

I kid you not, the kids talking to me, grew to be what kept my mind busy, I thought about everything in my life twice, past girl friends, how on earth I of all people have girls who hate me, my sister, my tv (that was actually a majority of my thought process, god did it look sexy in my dreams), the ps3 just waiting to be rescued by me, Wes and Cali, me possibly getting a job, and so on. The point is, I thought alot, I thought about things to keep my mind off the time and me having to pee.

The time is 4:15, we are standing up now and people are walking back and forth giving out vouchers for things. I truly can't feel my feet, I'm just trusting that they are there and that they are the reason I'm not falling over. The high-schoolers had a few friends show up and one of them keeps bumping into me, if it were anywhere else I'd be annoyed, but as it is now, I can barely stand, so the effort to turn around and say something to him would be wasted. I have to pee so badly, I am debating wetting myself and just saying it was water. Time jumps to 5am and we are moving! I am just moving my legs knowing my feet will stop me from falling even though I can't feel them. I think my bladder is going to exploded. I can see the doorway, is that warmth? Dear god, I can see the heat emanating from their doorway, those wasteful bastards! So close, I can taste the warm, warm, air, I blink my eyes to recover from the blinding light, I'm in! Suddenly my legs have energy I didn't know existed, I'm speed walking to the back of the store where my tv is like I was ready to run 20 miles. I faintly remember this feeling of having to pee, but I think it was a bad dream. I grab my surround sound setup first because I caught with my eyes first, shit! This box is too big to carry on my own! I run back to the front of the store in 15 seconds flat, I get a flat bed and roll it back to the back of the store (sorry about your ankles!) and pick up the surround sound. And then I look up and see her, all 46 beautiful inches of her. As I make my way through the forced line, I inch closer and closer to her, (Sammi, I'm coming for you!). As I am on her, I reach out and touch her box, I shudder knowing what pleasures await me inside and then i look up. I see a gentleman trying to get a better angle to read the box and take it for himself. So naturally i pull the box as hard as possible while saying "sir, this is mine" and walk away.

I don't remember paying for her, I don't remember getting her in the car, but the drive home, it was like I was driving a newborn baby home. My precious darling, I drove 10 miles under the speed limit and waited 3 full seconds before I made a turn. I gracefully got her into my house and gingerly set her down and kissed her good morning, we had both had a rough night, but while we sat in my living room and watched the sun rise, we both knew it was worth it and that we both made a bond that could never be broken.

Thanksgiving Weekend (this might be part 1).

2009-11-30T00:23:00.000-05:00

What a weekend, I'm only now contemplating it as i try/fight to fall asleep. In a nutshell here it is: I still hate can't stand my sister, i ate a very lovely thanksgiving meal that my mom says was quote "the less stressful [cooking wise] ever", i waited in line for around 7.5 hours on thanksgiving night to buy my tv, and i don't have many Naperville friends.

[I can't figure out how to tab anymore, so my paragraphs from now on will truly be broken up like this.]

Since my sister would take way to long to talk about I'll jump to my second point and try to expand on that. Normally my mom would wake up around 6:30 or 7 and start preparing thanksgiving dinner by stuffing the turkey and blah and blah and blah. Sidenote, but this is just me personally, I feel that thanksgiving is when women cook and then guys sit back and enjoy something; since i don't care for football it was video games. I'm not at all saying that women should be kitchen slaves, but I feel that it just works if women cook and men relax. I also have no problem whatsoever jumping in the kitchen and helping out, it's just that's what feels "right" to me. I know I'll probably take shit for that, but whatever.

Really wish i could tab right now, anyways, I myself woke up at 9:15 thursday morning (10:15 for you ohio peeps) and was sitting at the kitchen table checking my phone and wondering where the hell my mom was. Turns out, she decided to sleep in and came downstairs at 9:30 and was throughly surprised to see me awake and actually moving about, kinda like how i was so surprised to see her awake so late. Well, she tosses the turkey in at 10:30 and it was done by 1:30 because she left the stuffing out (on purpose, I don't eat stuffing since last time i ate it (age 7) i threw up). Well, while the turkey was cooking, she made everything else so we ate at 2:13, it was early and yummy, that is outside of my sister talking.

So on to the second point, this is all i have to say right now since I'm growing time. After eating and mulling around, I decided (at 3:56pm) to take a ride to BestBuy to see how deep the line was. I drove over there and there were 12 people in line already. I really wonder if they ate dinner at all.

So long for now friends, some teasers: "We aren't able to have kids until we buy this camera." [does she need this camera so she can film the kids being made???] && "Is that a fucking tent?" && "My toes are so cold, I think I might drive home and give this up."

Well look at the time.

2009-11-25T01:01:00.000-05:00

It's weird not being part of the music scene anymore. I feel like I'm not doing this moniker any justice, here's my feeble attempt to get back in Super Mash Bros. I think once i finally move into my new apartment and get the f-ing harddrive i need (I don't like to swear and only reserve it for times when i am truly pissed off, this rates on a 3.5 of Brandon's annoyance scale. In case you were wondering what the cap was, there isn't one, it's kinda like Windows Vista/7's System Rating) I'll start doing this handle some justice.

Who knows though, I might buck the trend of me changing my life every 4 years (since being in college for 5 years kinda killed that) and keep something the same. What an interesting concept to me (no sarcasim, from here on out I will type "(ns)" to avoid confusion incase you aren't sure about sarcasm).

It's funny, last night I was able to indent just fine, but today I can't indent, so it looks like every new paragraph will start on it's own fresh line instead of being blocked together like normal. And just an fyi, please kindly ignore the typo's Chrome can only help me so far in spell checking, but also, I tend to update this while drunk and being drunk further degrades my spelling abilities, or I guess the ability to care. Regardless, I'll do my best to keep it readable.

-Bubbles

p.S. I'll be sure to explain that sig at a future blog post, but if you managed to make it all the way down here then I have a treat for you. Missy Higgins (click on the top right to hear her stuff). Brandi told me about this girl and I love her, she's somber, but that's all you get from me. Ty Brandi!

At the end of the day... I'm tired.

2009-11-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

So here's my day, I fall asleep at 3:30am on Sunday night. I know it was 3:30 because my roommate leaves for work at this time and I heard the door close before I actually passed out. I had been lying in bed for the past 2 hours trying to fall asleep also so i was thrilled to hear the door shut.

Next thing I know is my alarm is going off, and I remember how much I hate having a real job sometimes. My alarm is going off at it's usual time of 6:13, those past 3 hours of sleep happened so quickly that my sarcasm won't do the feelings i felt justice. So needless to say i was extremely tired and grumpy this morning, as I'm driving to work at the ass-crack of dawn (6:45 to be more precise) my car is making this very odd noise, so i pull over literally 100 ft down my street. I get out and bam! flat tire. This day is getting better already and I haven't even been awake an hour!

Well, to cut out the boring/embarrassing parts, I am an idiot when it comes to cars, and so it took me around 30 minutes to figure out how to change my tire, and then 30 minutes to actually change the tire because I parked so damn close to the curb and couldn't turn the jack thingy freely. After getting the spare on, I drive over to the dealer only to find my car is running special tires which they don't have in stock and cost extra, this is good to hear because my apartment i just got is very cheap ($730 a month) and I can just tack on this extra expense.

So the day goes on, I spend 6 hours learning about Sharepoint (A touch of web developing, a touch of throwing together forms to make things work) I spend 3ish hours studying for a test I don't feel to confident on and then i come home to find my utilities bill on my door step. My landlord is super chill, but also lazy and doesn't give us our utility bills until the last minute. Their in his name so it doesn't affect us really, plus he's super honest and everything, he's just very lax about getting them to us because he doesn't care too much.

So to sum up my day right now: i woke up annoyed, i was 2 hours late to work due to a flat tire, i missed an important work meeting, i spent 6 hours being force fed, correction, learning Sharepoint, studying all day to do what I hope is passing on a test, and then walking home to another bill. Needless to say, I'm not too pumped right now, also I'm blowing off studying for another class which always puts me in a guilty/sad/bad mood. Well, I open up this bill and it's only $500 dollars. I've budgeted my money in such a way, that I was going to be able to pay up to $1500 dollars for my utilities if needed, (don't ask my why, I'm weird like that) so needless to say, I just essentially made a thousand dollars.

So at the end of the day, I'm tired.

My very very first post!

2009-11-20T01:53:00.000-05:00

I actually started a blog a long ways back, but don't care to find it because i want to start anew. This is where I'm going to just let my e-motions, i mean (haha, i couldn't resist), emotions out while I also blog about my life and daily encounters. Let's see how this fairs.